My Women

My aunt passed away last week. She was my mom's eldest sister, the eldest of all 6 kids actually. I got a call from my mom at 6:00 Friday morning. I definitely had not yet gotten up at that point. I had another two hours until work which meant another hour and a half (at least) until I had to roll outta bed. I ignored the first call...standard early morning move on my part. The second call meant business. My mom must have had something important to say, so I answered. She told me the news and I immediately began to cry. I wasn't close to Aunt Pat and could probably count the number of times I've seen her in the last 10 years on one hand. The tears were on behalf my mom's pain, I think. I knew that she was hurting and that most of all my precious grandma was hurting as well. This would be the second child that has gone before her.
I hung up the phone, with a plan of a call back from mom with more details awaiting. I stood up and was a little more conscience. By now I was sobbing. I wasn't sure why I was so upset but rolling up in a ball under a blanket on the couch was the only thing that made sense. I called my mom back within minutes and insisted that I couldn't let her and my g-ma go through the weekend alone, I was coming home. Of course, worrying "Mama T" told me what she always does when I'm on the phone and hysterical..."Don't get on the road!" She swears that driving while crying is worse than driving while drinking! No worries about DUI's, more like DUE's (Driving under the EMOTION!) Between the two of us we had come up with a small amount of logic and decided I'd come home a little later, after more sleep and less tears.
So I went home and spent the weekend with my two favorite women, all under Grandma's roof.
The phone rang off the hook and visitors were plenty. Seeing Grandma shed tears still breaks my heart just thinking about it. I think there was an unspoken agreement between my mom and I...I was there to be Grandma's distraction. Between going through her old boxes (a little productivity never hurt anyone), cleaning out closets and giving her a haircut (I've always loved playing beauty shop at Gma's house, especially when she lets me put her hair up into a Mohawk when it's shampooed), my mission was accomplished.
I realized something when I was home. Something that is probably a "Duh!" thought in my mind but really hit home...I am related to some pretty INCREDIBLE women. I have always seen my grandmother as one of the strongest women I know. Scratch that...she is THE strongest woman I know. She has taken care of even more than her own 6 children, 19 grandchildren and 27 great grandchildren. She has loved, mourned and survived even the most difficult circumstances, including cancer. She is still an energetic, feisty, life-loving 80-something (we stopped counting) year old lady! Grandma and I shared a room this weekend, including a bed which also included her chihuahua and my 5 year old cousin who didn't want to leave my side at the end of the night. Quite the slumber party. To be honest, I was initially hoping my weekend would include more of San Diego in it since I've been gone every weekend for what seems like the last year. But, nothing beats a slumber party on a Saturday night with Grandma.
While all of this was going on, my crafty distractions and what not, Mom was on the phone making arrangements, calling the many siblings, nieces, nephews etc. As I watched her taking care of all of this, in the midst of her own sorrow, I realized how utterly silly it is that I have gone through the past 24 years thinking I have to take care of her. I've always had this mindset, from early childhood until...well, now. Watching her take charge (of 5 strong-willed siblings and the 6 eclectic, for lack of a better word, children of my late aunt) made me respect the kind of woman my mother is even more than I already did.
One of my cousins came over Saturday night with two of her three, precious kids and Italian dinner in hand. This is what big Catholic families do...we feed each other, a lot and often. We four women and two little girls, spent the evening doing nothing more than taking care of one another. I don't know that anyone even caught what was going on there in that tiny apartment. On my walk with the two little ones (an adventure around Grandma's complex, they called it) I realized how incredibly surrounded I am by strong, nurturing women. We can all dish it for sure (verbally and in the kitchen!) but when push comes to shove, and people need lovin', there's a unity that is nothing less than miraculous.
Although this weekend didn't include my original plans (beach cruiser+beach+sleeping in) it was one that was inspiring. I am blessed beyond belief to have even been in a room watching what went on occur. I can only hope to be the kind of woman, mother and grandmother that my two gals are.