Blonde Story Short

The events that occur when you use an umbrella today... are the same that occurred when you were a child. First you pick it up and shake it, watching the water from the last outing fall onto the ground, for some reason being sort of entertained by the whole thing. Second, you cringe and push from the bottom up, anticipating your right thumb being pinched by the cold metal. Once it's up and clasped, or so you think, you slightly cringe as the wind picks up, in new found anticipation of this shield above your dry head violently turning inside-out. Inevitably it happens leaving you in a frantic attempt to pull it back into it's original form. As you take 2 minutes too long to find and pull out your keys to enter either your vehicle or home, the clasp which was seemingly secure at the top of the prop, now gives and allows the peice to slip half way down the pole, with a now folded miniature tent coming down onto your head. You should find that it is difficult to push it back up, s...

you gotta bend the rules...live on the edge...shake things up...stop at Starbucks even though you're running late. It was one of those wild days with all the bending, living, shaking, and stopping. I find that when my week is wild, I must be the yin to its yang, planning accordingly, thinking ahead, all those totally unnatural, inorganic things. For starters, my electricity was shut off for 3 days, not because I forgot to pay the bill, but because my landlord is in fact a drug lord...one that does things that make no sense whatsoever and make you wonder, "Is she on DRUGS!?!" The answer is Yes. Yes she is on drugs. It happens to be one of those situations where in a "let me share my wisdom with you" sorta tone you explain out loud, "Ya know...ya just gotta pick your battles sometimes." With our apartment building being converted into condos, there is much to do, at least for Bob and George the maintenance men. Drug lord thinks it is acceptable to tur...

I recently noticed a catalogue that has been sent to my house. Either my roommate is a closet weirdo or I have a few questions for Mrs. Kilrain who lived here pre-November. Midnight Velvet carries many a product. They sell everything from wall sconses with engraved churchy sayings to "Chocolate Passion Powder" and crushed velvet jump suits. I immediately wonder what individual has needs for all of these products. hmm.

...In fact, forget about this week, let's just get through these measly 28 days already. I mean, who isn't looking forward to celebrating St Patty with their festive green tube top? I am just so ready for this month to be over, I believe that March vibes are more promising. This past week (which led to my rant against the month of February) made me realize what necessary evils tend to wear me out...including but certainly not limited to: 6am "hot" yoga sesh before work. Exhibiting my students' projects for parents, coworkers and other passersby. Eharmony. Lots of cooking (cooking at home tends to be lighter on the kcals, bathing suit season IS right around the corner...that thought wears on me as well) Rain. Keeping up on bills...and laundry Working on a Saturday. Having to repaint my nails over and over again because chipped polish makes me feel like a hobo. Straightening my sinful amount of hair. Getting junior highers to be somewhat independent. Grocery shopp...

Am I psychic or what? I told you I saw this in my (and your) near future... lucky for you I'm a woman of my word, at least on Fridays. Being "closed" is the online dating world equivalent to going on a first date and never being contacted again. Obviously you just didn't make the cut. The advantage to this equivalent is that 1. You don't have the joy of having been in the awkward, obviously unsuccessful first date scenario 2. You'll never have to see that person (or "match" rather) again since well, you've never really seen them at all 3. The unsuccessful match has no legitimate information about you, in other words, no need to block their number, watch your back while walking from the carport to your front door, I think you get the picture. Are you seeing the amazing possibilities here with a more digital approach? When it comes to my personal Eharm adventure, bachelors beware, you will be "closed" if... A. Your default (or even one o...

I don't even know where to begin. What I know for certain, is that there will be a lot MORE where this came from... Part I It all began with a dream, nightmare really. Perhaps translating to anxiety in my dating life (what dating life?) Anyway, I dreamt the following: I had joined Eharmony. I was on a date and the datee for some reason had his entire family there. They were all very excited to meet me and his mother and aunt specifically were very smitten with me (ah thank you.) They had read some of my writing and fallen in love ;) Anyway, I wasn't exactly feelin it with the datee, what else is new. As I attempted to flee, he aggressively questioned me. "We're going out again right? I mean, you're not going to 'close' me are you?" You see, on The Eharm, you don't run a typical phase-out by ignoring phone calls, or any clear cut things like that, instead you have the option to "close" your "communication" with the prospect...hop...

Total shocker that my doctor's office in Ob runs an hour behind without any apologies...or any information at all really. The receptionist, who by the way answers the phone in more than a "six inch voice," tells the more outspoken annoyed female in the room that if she wants she can reschedule. She has no idea when the dr will be done. Notice there is no apology included in that statement at all? She should at least be apologizing for her booming voice! I get easily irritated when I'm ill. Have you noticed? There's a random dog in the waiting room, normal things. Perhaps if the situation were less frustrating (like my appt was only the normal 15 minutes late and everyone's voices were of average decimals) I would be happy to pet this k9. However the circumstances leave me to nothing more than introverted activities on my...you guessed it, iPhone. Lucky for you my new blogging app allows me to share these wonderful circumstances and negative current outlook ...