Monday, May 24, 2010

Bag of Tricks

Have you seen any of the "Oprah's favorite things" shows? Now that I think about it, there's even an established "Club" for books the big-O multimillionaire likes. Is it possible there is a conspiracy to push this female's agenda onto us? What do you take us for, Harpo? I personally refuse to buy a new line of skincare sold only at "Bloomy's" and will NOT be purchasing a Prius any time soon, OK. Rude. That's like pushing all one's opinions (on mostly a few key topics) onto others through the vessel of a blog or something. Who does that?
One of Sara's favorite things, in a non you-should-like-it-too kinda way, is surprises. I don't understand the people in this world (most) who say they hate surprises. What? Why? That blanket, and bold with the use of the "H" word, statement must mean that one doesn't even enjoy fun surprises! "You weren't expecting it, but I just bought you a brand new car! You get a car! You get a car!" I couldn't help but throw in yet another Oprah reference! Anyway, the point is, just because the brand new automobile was a surprise, doesn't mean you hate it! C'mon, let's stay away from blanket one likes those.
One of my Obecian/work friends (I heart when two or more of my worlds collide) is getting ready to set off on a journey to Peru. Although she's not leaving until Fall, her belongings are beginning to go now. No hippie friend of mine needs a lot of stuff to survive. Some even say all you need is LOVE. Love is all ya need. So the belongings she donated to me and my home aren't needed, but definitely a fine addition. I have yet to go through the paper grocery bag of tricks, but on my four-minute drive to work this morning, the surprise bag sitting shotgun cured my ADHD.
Since I'm one of the people that LIKE, correction LOVE surprises, the reach in and see what you find game is a blasty treat for me. What was found in the surprise bag of tricks you ask?

1. Maalox (although embarrassing to admit, probably a wise donation for me these days. ah man!)
2. Q-tips. I don't know why anyone in their right mind would give up the glorious activity of digging cotton into their wet ears after a shower, but I'll take it.
3. Cube shaped vase. This doesn't actually count as a donation, since it was mine to begin with.
4. Brown 1/4 inch heeled sandals. OK. I like things that go on my feet. A better choice than the initial pair offered to me. "Umm, I try to stay away from shoes that look like they belong to the Wicked Witch of the West. Sorry."
5. Maalox...the reach in and see what you find game ALWAYS leads me to pick the same thing up more than once! Unless she gave me more than one box? I think the universe is messin with me.

Man I love surprises.

Monday, May 17, 2010

Doctors, doctors everywhere!

Recently I "drafted" a blog titled Poked and Prodded. Unfortunately it did not make it to the posting phase. This happens from time to time, I begin a piece (sounds fancy right?) and then "save now" it, in hopes that I'll finish/edit later and be able to proudly move to the "Publish Post." Doesn't always happen. In this case, I peaced out completely on P and P and at this time have revamped and can tell you even more about my exciting doctor adventures!
It started out with an Urgent care, ER, Primary Care, GI jont. While most of you can eat a bacon and egg breakfast sandwich, turns out I cannot. On top of my usual constant unexplainable dull achy stomach, I had some pains that were pure evil a few weeks back. Come to find out, I may have even passed a gallstone during that 4 hour sesh, says my Gastro interologist, Sally. My dreams of four little grommets running around one day was almost a nightmare. Getting pretty unraveled I may have spouted off, "If this is what child birth is like, I'm NOT having kids!" Harsh.

As of a week ago, I've now seen (and shared with others) color photos of my inner parts. Who knew what a "bulb" was until now? After 7 days of waiting, and another co-pay, tomorrow Sally and company will let me in on what's happening with my bulbs, intestines and other like parts.

In the spirit of Go-mode, I called on some other Docs today as well. The Neuro, Dr Janine (goes by "Doctor" then her first name, normally a situation that calls for judgment) let me know that my HMO (total racket, but probably better than any program a certain powerful cigarette enthusiast is trying to run, for another time) denied my request to see her. The old insurance, also not great but did the job, allowed me to see a $300 an hour Neurologist, while this one does not. Boo. Under the belief that "all you have to do is ask," I got all of my migraine-tastic questions answered AND a refill on my meds all over the phone...which is free. woohoo! In addition to Dr. Janine's convo, I finally bit the bullet (actually I bit my CHEEK really, really hard and it still hurts like a motha, maybe a Dentist appointment is also in order?) and put in a call I've been putting off to Dr. Lee. If I go from the overwhelming Double D's to a lovely looking C-cup, you'll know Dr Lee has done his job. Gotta love a waived consultation fee from a student's Plastic Surgeon Dad! Soon the question will be are my back and neck problems really from Gnarly Car Accident 2006, or perhaps due to the 20 pound burdens I've been carrying since I was 14!?! To be determined! If so, you better believe I'm stickin it to the man...whose name is Aetna Value Network!

Wednesday, May 12, 2010


I've actually found someone that I want to go on dates with, introduce to the friends and fam (a standard panel of judges of course), and even let call me his girlfriend??? Question marks are necessary as I still am confused by the whole thing. Statements like, "Seriously, what am I gonna do with you?" often escape my mouth.

Yes. It's true. Not that I'm one of THOSE girls (the ones I've made fun of, a time or two) but I do in fact now have (drum roll please)...a BF. The abbreve is just way too hard to resist. Although no one else thinks anything of it, the idea of being one of those goofy girls that's referring to their gentleman caller as "my boyfriend!" all the time, makes my eyes effortlessly roll in a clockwise manner.

Looks like that whole High Maintenance thing panned out. It seems being "HM" causes a sifting effect...sifting through the definitely-not-gonna-happen's and the maybe-I'll-let-you-buy-me-another-meal's...arriving at an okay-you're-legit-I-might-like-you.

Do the anecdotes on dating (and the peculiar opposite sex) seize to exist here?
Absolutely not. If anything, this whole sitch has this blonde more confused and amused than ever!

Will I start writing about how wonderful it is to whisper sweet nothings over a candlelit dinner? I'll answer that question with another...Do I become besties with females that indulge in the Ugg/jean skirt pairing? I think not. You know me better than that. I'll be keeping most of the private detes to myself, or maybe make my blog officially "private" so that your social security number is on file if you're a "reader."

Oh and BTW (yes there is a theme going on here), For those of you that are concerned, the WTF (see post title) stands for What The Frick?! Please remember that I am a LADY...and a teacher! I'm molding the future of America for crying out loud!