Blonde Story Short

Although it is not Christmas yet (even though I've said "Merry Christmas" a billion times already...even to my students of Jewish decent) I've learned some things this season. A wise man once said, "Hey...I know things." So true. Here's what I've learned thus far: 1. It is difficult to wrap a golf club, especially one that has a cover on the end (or the top? whatever it's called) Note: I once dated a fellow who was attempting to become a pro golfer. I tried to use golf verbiage a time or two, needless to say it did not work out) 2. The best Christmas gift to ask from one's father? A visit to Jiffy Lube. You better believe Wanda the Honda got some lovin' this morning...fluids, oil, the whole enchilada, all while I was still snoozing in the guest bedroom. I may have left my keys out as a hint to go without me and avoid waking me from my slumber, just a possibility. 3. If there is a gift under the tree that is a sweet of any kind, do

There's a reason this post is called "Winter shopping" instead of Christmas shopping. I'm not talking about shopping for Christmas gifts, I'm talking about shopping for myself during the Christmas season. "How selfish" you say aloud. No, just honest. You do it too. I have a problem (the depths of it I will not get into right now) that makes me think I have a surplus of money...when I almost never do. With the help of direct deposit and online banking, beginning at midnight on the 15th and 30th of each month, I can go on that world wide web and see 4 digits in my bank account balance instead of the usual 2-3, okay it can sometimes be 1 digit or many digits proceeding a negative sign but lets just say it's more than my standard amount for arguments' sake. I see that balance, which seems extremely high for someone who's survived on the wage of a private, anti-women being independent, Christian school before (again, we'll save that topic for

Remember the elevator scene in Jerry Maguire when the deaf man signs those words to his woman...and Renee Zellweger is moved to tears, then tells Tom what was said? Tom Cruise later says this to her (instead of signing it) and ends up coining the phrase, "You complete me." A year later you could hear this said in an even sincerer form, from Dr.Evil to Mini-Me. As usual, I'm experiencing a theme lately in my world...in conversations with others and thoughts with...well, myself. (I've said it before, you don't wanna be up here.) The theme is the idea of "completeness." Completion is the correct term but we Christians can add "-ness" to any word we choose, making it a descriptive noun. You say purity we say "pureness." Webster's may say devotion, we say "devoted-ness." Feel free to make up words yourself, I am confident you'll find it liberating. This theme of, get ready for it, "completeness," has m

My last night on "Thanksgiving San Fran Roadtrip 2009" was a difficult one. "Okay you're going to go up that hill for about 16 blocks, then over the Golden Gate Bridge.Once you're off the 101, turn right, then left then left again, then right. You'll know what it looks like." Ok. Quick pep talk to self. Map of strange city riding shot gun...always helpful (when you have the where with all to look down while driving crazy roads and can read maps). A sweaty, shaking version of me made it off the freeway. The lefts and rights began to blur, especially without street names. Once in the residential of the destination I was at a loss. Areas like this one tend to have that every-house-looks-identical appeal. I know they have a mini-van in their driveway. There was definitely a fence. And there was trim around the roof and an American Flag hanging...or maybe a festive turkey flag? Mission Accomplished. Arrival at 7pm, ready for screaming children an

It is Friday which means only one thing. I am enjoying my lunch of left-over buffalo wings (yes, I'm a man) and Diet Coke with the students of VG Comic Club. "VG Comic BOOK Club" is not the name, I learned today, because they are not just working on books, but also videos . This is a no-nonsense club. My job as the club sponsor, is to sit in the corner of the room, listen, and on occassion throw in a courtesy laugh for the kid who hears crickets after the punch line of his comic book related joke. He happens to be one of my favorites, I mean, teachers don't have favorites! How silly. Truthfully, the statements that fly out of these four boys' mouths make about as much sense to me as the a jean skirt paired with Uggs. I will attempt to document some of their priceless interactions in this post... "We're working on a video, that'll probably come out after Christmas since I'm asking for a new video camera, one that doesn't suck." &

I can be a bit of a creep sometimes. Unfortunately, being a teacher gives me more than enough opportunities to hone this talent. One of my sixth graders had In-School Suspension for calling one of her classmates "witch, but with a B." She is the student who others refer to as "CooKoo." I've seen her in action. When a student didn't honor her request to open the door one day she made what others call her "evil eyes" from outside the window. "Uh oh. She's making her evil eyes! That means she's gonna try to kick one of us!" I could feel the genuine fear in the room. In fact, I started to sweat a little bit myself. Last week I walked into an administrator's office to find "Jungle girl" camped out there for her suspension. She had her evil eyes on. I asked her about it. "Hey you, what's goin on up there?" (Referring to her very interesting mind) "It's a jungle up there." &quo

As I pack up the last few boxes in my kitchen, I realize a few things. 1) I have a freakish amount of lunch pales and 2) I'm insanely good at having a bazillion (notice the really large fake number for emphasis) things happening all at once. In other words, I'm the queen of overcommiting. I've gotten better. Years back, in the days of high school I was pretty much out of control. Snow boarding club? Yea I should definitley be a part of that, and the VP of it as well! School musical? Why not? FBLA? Sign me up! At least now I keep my commitments limited to things I'm interested in! Until last week. One of my very interesting "case-load" kids, you've heard of him before-he's the one that talks of video games and comics that he creates in his head and on paper during class, has a hard time socially. A wise man once said, "Sure, I could be first chair jazz flute in the band, but is that gonna help me climb the social ladder? I think not." Con

As planned, Monday morning I reinstated my "Triple A," and got 'ol Wanda the Honda back to the shop. Although I am absolutely dense when it comes to space, time and therefore directions, I am very much aware of the distance from my house to the mechanic since 7 miles was this morning's limit on "free" roadside assistance. The total distance was 7.67 miles actually. I don't feel great about it being called "free" since I'm pretty sure I had just read the numbers off my Visa to an agent for the grand total of $67. What are ya gonna do? After checking out some OBcean apartments, I decided one was adorable and the other a dump. I was later dropped off at home by my dear friend who happens to also be a dear mama. My new theory: The only way to house hunt in between jobs one and two on a humid Monday afternoon, to do so with two precious babies in the back seat...mostly because they laugh at your silly jokes and facial expressions. I sti

For some odd reason every area of life seems to be hectic at the same time. A friend of mine had the nickname "Hectic" for a season of her life. This was mostly because she often found herself out and about (code for getting drunk downtown), where chaos seemed to find her. In the last month I've had my car in the shop (driving rental PT Cruiser of course), been the "squeaky wheel" at work to obtain a bigger and better position (they heard my squeak!), a move approaching in two weeks to which the area of the city I am not even certain, a sick grandmother, and wedding festivities where I will share my professional bridesmaid skills approaching in the next week. So much. No other word can describe it, but hectic. My current roommate was gradually taking her goods and is officially moved out, along with our sofa and kitchen table, as of today. After house hunting online all morning, okay after 11am when I woke from my slumber, I found myself sitting in a beach

I've recently been making efforts to get more involved in my church. For real, it's hard to even go to church for me, let alone go AND be involved in some other capacity like a mid-week gathering! However, for the past two weeks I have been attending a "Community Group" with like-aged people. It turns out there are actually some pretty nice human beings that are a part of this community. Not to mention, my "Ace Hardware" theory... if you want to buy tools, you go to Ace Hardware. In other words, go places where you'll find what you're looking for ie. you want a Christian man...go where there are a whole bunch of them (said the skeptic) otherwise you might just continue finding real tools ! So am I going there with a bad motive you ask? No. I am going there with good motives, hoping for the possibility of some great perks ;) I'll try to wrap up my thoughts in a few short sentences, or maybe a semi-long paragraph? I have mentioned before that

As Halloween comes near I am reminded of Old Hallows' Eves past. Last year (hold for cliche) I was a pirate. Judge me if you must. It was a group effort and since I was still broke from Euro trip '08 it was one of the only costume ideas I could afford. Gotta love second hand stores that carry pleather, jagged edged skirts and $2 eye patches (new, not used. Hygeine doesn't always come first but as a means of avoiding pink eye, should). I believe Halloween ensembles always create a dilemma for young gals. "Let's see, 2 tanks of gas in my car or sleezy costume from one of those stores that is an empty warehouse year 'round until the month of October?" Decisions decisions! The year before last, apparently funds were of plenty as I did in fact purchase one of those sleazy warehouse costumes. The worst of it being that I have an entire Rubbermaid of costumes. So, I dressed up as a cheerleader. Insert cringe here. What the spirit of rebellion against a crazy

I'm back to work today after what became a 3-day weekend. I stayed home yesterday calling insurance, car collision center (I hate when my little car is anywhere else than against the curb of my cement front yard!) The towing company now has poor Wanda the Honda since she doesn't even start up! Today I return, in my rented PT Cruiser, which by the way feels like driving a really short mini-van (sans bucket seats that hold screaming children). I am feeling out of sorts, like I could re-wash a load of clothes instead of drying it! But I will attempt to focus on the day, my kids and getting some caffeine into my system! As I reached into my messy teacher bag (don't worry, it's quasi hip, no apples or chalkboards embroidered on it) I couldn't figure out if what I held in my hand was a string cheese...or a tampon. This may be a representation of my mind today. Here goes nothin'....

I always start out a Friday morning with one thought... TGIF. I love my job but I love my weekends even more. I once heard a woman I "nannyed" for say something similar..."I love my son. But I love my dates with my husband more." Alrighty then. On a slightly less terrible note, I got in a car wreck yesterday! It's one of those situations where you wonder if a small piece of the puzzle, or day rather, were different...then the mental wheels begin spinning and before I know it I've resorted to a nap. The puzzle starts like this...I stayed an extra hour at work so that I could teach the Hip Hop class. I'm a sucker for killer dance moves as proven in the last entry. I was extremely glowing (OK sweating like a beast) and decided to go home and shower before meeting the rest of the staff for happy hour. I don't wanna brag, but my coworkers are probably cooler than yours. So yes, teachers, at my school at least, often send out an email or sprea

Now let me just first say that I am well aware that saying a word like retarded is not very "PC", especially in my field of work! However there is plain and simply no other word to describe this blonde in the story you are about to read, trust me I've racked my brain and even googled... Next month I will be doing something that I have become very good at. It will be my 6th time performing this duty. Six other gals that I will be identically dressed will be doing the same thing. I will be a bridesmaid. If that saying "Always a bridesmaid, never a Bride" just entered your mind, I just want to take a moment to remind you about KARMA. Be nice. I am very excited about being a part of this wedding. From the hot attire (who doesn't love an eggplant cocktail dress!) to the entire wedding party and wonderful couple, it is bound to be a blast. The fun has begun already. In the past month or so, almost all of the (surprisingly good looking) groomsmen have conv

"Your hair looks nice today... ...especially compared to yesterday." -Fellow teacher (who probably doesn't remember any of this) "I'd pick you up if I saw you in a bar" Me: "But I don't wanna be picked up in a bar." "Okay. I'd pick you up if I saw you on a playground." Me: "Creep." -Mr. A (Always good for a laugh...and a minor ego boost) I love my job and the men I work with.

Remember that Seinfeld episode where Jerry wants the pen that can write upside down (the kind they use in space) so that when he wakes up in the middle of the night with a bit, he can write it down while lying in bed and remember it in the morning? I see where he's coming from. I have had a million and one things to write about lately and yet when I finally get the time to do so, it all escapes me. After tossing and turning for over 2 hours the other night, I finally fell asleep. I was just gettin' to those good rems when I woke up in a haze and laughed to myself about a blog-tastic idea. Then of course I went back to drooling and even with the help of an astronaut pen probably wouldn't have made it to the nightstand to write it down. All I remembered the following morning was my half asleep creepy giggle. My lack of writing issue has been compounded by the fact that I feel like I've gone through the past 3 months completely baked . Yes, I feel high all....the.

School started back up this week. I may look 19 (without make up/my retainers in) but I'm not a student. In fact I am a teacher. I forgot how much joy even junior highers have the ability to bring me. Usually it's the kindergarten aged children that say things like "You're a Princess!" that I think of so fondly. To these statements, I have no other choice but to respond, "Yes.  yes I am." Being a new year, a new class, I have a new, what we special-ed educators call "case-load" of kiddos. These are the lucky students that get my undivided attention (depending on how many other kids are screaming my name) as I squat down beside their desk and provide extra help through whispered coffee breath. My caseload this year is full of students that are all so unique and intereeeeeeeesting to say the least. One of them is nothing short of brilliant. He creatively creates (oh my alliteration!) video games in his mind and has no qualms about telling me

The following Top 10 doubles as a list of beautiful gifts (from some very beautiful people at my "Fam Bday Bash") AND items that will apparently get you a date ...well not YOU, but ME. Feel free to take notes, or in this case hit "print", to file this valuable information in your personal records. 1. Movie Tickets...this is where the birth of the comment-taken-too-far took place. 2. Cookbook 3. Earrings 4. Clutch-with seahorses on it...so in love with it! 5. A single cousin (???) 6. A pork chop tied around my neck 7. Another cookbook 8. Polk-a-dot Apron 9. Every day apron (very practical, everyone should have one) 10. Silver Cross charm bracelet Why these items you may ask yourself (or ask me)? I don't know. Apparently once you have chuckled even a little bit, out of embarrassment (or I dunno, possibly due to the fact that there is a quasi-set up situation going on AT the party), you have allowed free reign for the family "joke

Today I turned 25. It seemed a little anti-climactic since I've been celebrating for the past 48 hours (life is just so hard). Being that my birthday usually falls on Labor day weekend I tend to do that. I started out Saturday with a typical San Diegan social event...beach followed by bar. Now that I'm OLD, I didn't get drunk and hung-over the next morning, instead I was what one might call balanced and had two margaritas (that were of course purchased for me, gotta love birthdays), an ice cream cone, and a good night's sleep. Holla. Sunday was the fam party which consisted of close friends, fam and OC-tastic BBQin. Since today is a Monday, and NOT Labor Day, it happens to be the first day of school. That may have been a bummer to some but to me all I can say is THANK GOD! A little structure never hurt anybody! Especially a yellow, ESFP, ADHD, Virgo! You'll have to excuse the overload on references...Color Code, Meyers Briggs Personality Test and of course the

This is what I should say as we set out on our running adventure, at 7:30 Saturday morning. The good 'ol "Orange" team (bragging) and I hit the 4 mile mark this morning. Kind of a milestone in my running career I think. That is definitely the furthest I've ever run. Let me remind you...I am NOT a runner! Naturally I was the sweaty girl in the back. A celebratory Berrie smoothie and 10 minute stare-into-space-sesh on the couch was much needed afterward. In my usual before 9am haze (not to be confused with purple haze, the much slower team in our running group) I showed up seconds before the group's jont. I feel no need to arrive early and socialize. I tried chatting it up the first day with the pacing exercise small talk and was shut down! So lame. Now, I'm what we call an iPoder. Call me anti-social but a techno remix and some Snoop-Dawg whispering in my ear is basically all I need. Since I start out toward the back of the herd, and stay there, I am ab

Last weekend in a car ride to Del Mar, I had an entertaining conversation with a friend and her hub. She brought up changing our circle's weekly Tuesday night dinner to Wednesday nights. "Tuesday Night Dinner" has become a tradition, since we graduated, where five of us buddies from The Naz* get together for a sesh of food and dishing. If we switch "Tuesday Night Dinner" to Wednesday nights (and change the name obviously) she would then be free on Tuesdays to attend a Bible study with some of her church ladies. Apparently up until this point, she has let these ladies assume that she's been unavailable on Tuesdays due to a long-standing other Bible Study! The church ladies have been fooled! Eating sushi and chatting with your girlfriends does NOT a Bible study make! I found the fact that she didn't correct the church ladies to be quite amusing. We laughed about how one could make the stretch. We drink a lot of wine and sometimes we eat bread...tha

I cannot begin to tell you how much I appreciate a good "Chick Flick." I think it's kinda funny that this term has been coined (I mean I get it, it rhymes, very clever) but c'mon you know the fellas like these "flicks" too! They pretend they're being draaaaaaaaaaged to them by their gf's but I believe that when the roomies are gone for the weekend and the testosterone in the apartment is down, The Notebook and How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days is at the top of the NetFlix Cue! Last night I saw The Time Travelers' Wife with a girlfriend. Between the Quizno's 'wiches and diet cokes we smuggled in, the entertaining previews, and the movie itself (McAdams and Bana's work-incredible) it was a great evening. Although some of the crowd was the typical "dragged" bf and his chick flick lovin' gal, I couldn't help but appreciate being there with my bartending buddy. Seeing previews of the latest Matt Damon film gave us bo

This morning at my Nanny Job... I know, I know, I haven't mentioned Summer position #3 before. It is a mere 6 hours, 7:00-9:00am three-day-a-weeker. I get two children up and out of bed, feed them breakfast, pack their lunches and drive them to various summer camps. My favorite camps they attend are within 5 miles and provide lunches. How do I manage all of these duties you ask....and still maintain sleep, sanity, friendships and so many eligible bachelors?  Coffee.  Lots of Coffee. This morning Aunt Becky (not to be confused with Uncle Jesse's wife) from Carlsbad came out of the guest room, ran into me and said, "Oh, you're the Cleaner." Confused. "Uh..sorta." Until now I hadn't realized I'd become the cleaner. The two children are pretty self-sufficient. A simple "Did you make your bed?" and "Gimme that dirty cereal bowl when you're done" is really all they need from me. So, what I end up doing....is laundry a

I am nothing less than intrigued by the male gender.  I find their behaviors and thought processes to be compelling and interesting! I compare my male fascination to the average person watching a lava lamp. I can pretty much guarantee what will happen. It doesn't take that long to heat up. The blobs of goo will sort of bounce around, hitting one side, hitting the other, bouncing off the top, then the bottom, the color never changing. I know that at a certain point, the base of the lamp will burn if I touch it, but sometimes forget and do it anyway...or don't forget at all, but think that maybe this time it won't burn, but will just feel nice and warm! It's so very predictable but something about a lava lamp keeps you watching it, in hopes that something awesome will happen! What really happens...every time...the same blobs...bouncing around...in a way that we should all respect and admire of course. In other words the male gender is ENTERTAINING, for lack of a better w

It happens every year. Mid June hits and I tell everyone I know (it's the external thinker in me) that I just cannot wait until summer. Oh yea, it's just sooooooo nice to have a random schedule, work some days, some nights...no routine, time for the beach.... Ya wanna know what I tell everyone around mid August? That I can't wait until Fall when I can get back into some sort of freakin routine!!! Routine paychecks have something to do with it as well I think. Yea, I'm pretty sure actually. I pride myself on being a spontaneous, fly-by-the-seat-of-my-pants, free spirited kinda gal... until I forget to pay a bill, kick myself for not nailing down 1 full-time job (instead of 3 part-timers) and curse my "free" spirit for ending up being not so free! Turns out, all those Type A's (that seem to deserve pony-pulls most of the time due to their freakish desire for control) actually have something goin...it's called a budget, job that provides health i

I went to a small, tiny really, Christian university where everyone knows everyone. This means that even if you don't know someone's name, which normally I do because I have a freakishly good memory, you at least recognize their face. I mean c'mon how many times can you walk past a face on "Caf Lane" without eventually being able to recognize it again shopping at Target? There are inevitably cliques that form at a small school like this. There are the partiers, the athletes (which tend to overlap with each other), the super spiritual (you lead the homeless ministry and play the guitar in "chapel band", we all get it!), the dude-bros ("dude...bro!" Our school sits on the cliffs of amazing surf, 'nuf said), the over-involved (I mean, isn't ASB supposed to end after high schoool?) etc etc. I didn't really fit any one particular group, mostly just dabbled in a few from time to time and unfairly judged the rest. Because of the reco

Here in Man Diego there are a lot of...you guessed it, MEN! I've encountered a few. Although I've made some strides in my effort to leave behind "Blanket Statements" (which ironically can be shortened to B.S.) I still hold onto some of the reasonable ones. We've talked before, well I've written and you've read rather, about dating and the inevitable game of text messaging. Thanks to At&T's unlimited plan I haven't gone completely broke yet. Texting is by far the #1 men's choice for communicating. Those fellas just love it. It's less effort than a call and seemingly more friendly than an email. My point is texting is where it's at. You better believe that if you're in your mid 20's anywhere remotely in the vicinity you will be utilizing this technological beast. I went on a date about 2 weeks ago with a "Nice" guy. Note: "Blog guy" existed somewhere in the middle of nice guy's stint. Remember m

One of my many jobs this summer (gotta keep those outta work teachers busy and out of trouble!) is serving la jollans and vacationers wishing they were la jollans on a private beach at La Jolla Beach and Tennis Club aka The LJBTC...almost not an abbreviation at this point. The LJBTC goer is one of two people: A member, just your average bloke who can afford to pay $60, 000 to join a private club where he'll frequent the beach and walk around with a tennis bag, you know, the ones in the exact shape of a tennis racket. The other is the guest who is staying in what we call our "apartments". We pretend not to, but we look down on these people. They are not as great as the members. "Oh, you're charging it to your room number? Yea, it's probably going to be about 30 minutes for a Kids' Chicken Tender basket, I'll get it to ya when I can." I spend my day walking up and down the beach with trays of drinks in one hand and Styrofoam boxes of foo