Tuesday, June 16, 2009

Tangeant Tuesday...is that a stye in my eye?

I went out with a friend last night after bartending.  He is the sweetest..and my new colourist as well. We went out to one of my favorite restaurants after I got off for a "night cap." By the way I'm totally aware that only people over 40 say that. Long story short, I was out late, which led me to needing a good sleep-in sesh. This doesn't happen often anymore. That internal clock that people always talk about (not the one that tells you that you need to have babies soon, the one that tells you to roll outta bed so you get to work on time!) has been waking me up. My body awakes a little before 7am every morning. Because of my complete confusion about the world, I usually spend about 30 seconds trying to figure out if I really do need to get up or not. Questions run through my mind like "Is it Saturday?" "Am I gonna have time to get a latte?" and "Where am I?" I got up this morning (then went back to sleep for another 4 hours) and stumbled into the bathroom. I looked in the mirror and my right eye was red, swollen and feeling very agitated. This morning's question running through my mind: "Is that a stye in my eye?"

I went to the living room where my roommate (who had been up for about 3 hours) was making some sort of crock pot meal Our house has become very domesticated! We recently rearranged, inherited adorable plates and other kitchen items, and I got a sweet little asian making delicious food all the time. It's all working out very nicely. In a state of confusion (more than my normal amount) I ate some homemade banana bread and wondered what the eff was going on across the street.

We call it the Crack Car Wash...mostly because on Saturday mornings there are car washes there...put on by crack addicts,oops- recovering crack addicts. This morning I didn't hear the normal "CAR WASH!!!!" announcements but instead sounds of hammering, crushing, cementing etc. Turns out it's becoming...a remodeled Crack Car Wash. Fabulous.

Looking forward to a day of productivity and relaxation...I'll be returning yesterday's purchases due to buyers' remorse, biking to the beach for a quick lay-out, a Target stop, calls to credit card companies (fun!) and a bestie's birthday celebration a little later. My gals and I met at a wee 17 are now entering our mid-20's. Yowza.

More important information: I can hear my Portuguese landlord's mother's music. Her choice tunes are interesting.

Off I go...

Monday, June 15, 2009

I chose GOZO

Today I chose joy.
I woke up in a rut of worry yesterday. Coincidentily I went to church and heard a sermon, more like sermonette-appropriate for our generation that can't focus on one thing for too long, on Joy vs. Happiness. Hmmm...

I knew that the financial woes going through my head and upsetting my heart that morning would soon be behind me once I got to church, usually a high school auditorium does not have this power. I heard the earlier service needed what churches call "Baby Holders." This was my tentative plan (my plans are tentative 99% of the time, ya never know!) and probably would've made me even more joyous on this day...maybe next time. I must say the sleep instead was pure glory.

Without giving the sermonette to those of you that are against this sorta thing, I'll simply hit some main points...Everyone recieved a peice of Trident gum on their way in. You were instructed to chew it (church kids are so obedient!) during the service. It was mentioned that Trident's slogan is "A little piece of Happy." I hadn't caught that until yesterday. Now that's my kinda gum. Who couldn't use a little piece of happy? It reminds me of that saying (or bumper sticker on some Ford Tauruses) "You want piece and quiet? Give me a piece and I'll be quiet." My high school best friend's brother, who was SO cool and cute, had that saying on a key chain. Looking back, probably not so cool. Anyway, by the end of the service the piece of gum no longer had any flavor. This was pointed out to all the no-longer-happy-chewers. What happened to my Happy? Today's lesson: Happiness is temporary.

Friday I was happy because school was out and I was heading to the staff party which included fun peeps, brews and games. A little later I wasn't happy because the few beers I had over a period of HOURS (a lot for me cause I'm getting old) gave me a tummy ache. Shortly after, I was happy because my roommate and I made Mac and Cheese for dinner. Happy was still there when I entered Pajama town, which was followed by a hand full of chocolate chips and Tivo. Happy left me the next morning because I began to think about what it meant for my job to be over...financial focus at this point, I'll think about missing the kids in about a week or so. I have been trying to line up summer jobs since Spring Break! Somehow, after countless interviews and resumes sent, I ended up with a 6 hour a week nanny gig and my same measly 2 days a week bartending...not gonna cut it, living this glorious lifestyle that is.  I have the "feelers" out and am generally a proactive person when it comes to job hunting and overall survival. But, like any other human who is practically jobless, I have to do the inevitable waiting...and worrying.

Instead of worrying, today I chose joy. After my two hour nanny "shift" this morning I went on a long run. As I checked out the amazing cliffs of Ocean Beach beside me, with Justin Timberlake's "Sexy Back" in my ear buds, I realized something. I could lack Happy today because I only have added two hours of bill-paying- money to my day, or I could see it as the following: A car payment. You better believe it...6 hours a week equals $75, totaling $300 a month, which equals (drum roll please) a 2004 Honda Civic! (minus 10 bucks, but nonetheless a blessing). I could cry (already done that) or I could look around my adorable candle lit living room right now and have JOY, knowing that I will be okay, because I am ALWAYS okay. I am never left behind, I am never struggling that much more than the average student loan paying 20-something and I am always PROVIDED for. And for that, I have JOY.
I learned a song in Mexico, continued to practice it in Venezuela and even taught it to my lil kinders...
"Yooooooooooooo teeeeeeeeeeeeengo GOZO GOZO GOZO GOZO en mi corazon!
En mi corazon!
(louder) En mi corazon!!!
Yo tengo gozo gozo gozo gozo en mi corazon
Porque Cristo me saaaaaaaaaaalvooooooooo....."

"Gozo" means JOY. That's pretty much all you need to know.

Wednesday, June 10, 2009

Outrageous on a Monday! (brought to you on a Wednesday)

Things that made for an outrageous Monday:

Drinking a "chocolate milk" at work. The quotes mean that there was a dash of Baileys in it...delish. Note this was at Job #2, not the other one that involves adolescents.
Two jobs on the same day. Monday especially. Twelve hours straight of work= no bueno for Sarita.
Yelling "Excuse me, I'm talking right now!" to a student and him responding "Of course you are." If I wasn't so excited that we're at T-4 days til summer I may have reprimanded him.
The TV (on behind me while I bartend) doesn't have a subtitles option- not one that I could find at least, being the techie that I am. How am I expected to watch the Bachelorette in these conditions!?
Not being home by 9:00pm.  If everyone leaves at 8:30 I only have a half hour to scoop out the leftover ice, lock up the beer and white wine fridge and put the liquor bottles away!
I went to the chiropractor today in between job 1 and 2...pure glory. I can't kick my sleeping on the stomach habit, which requires this struggling back to hit up the chiro every couple months. I had some time before I had to head to the pm job and although it was only about 15 minutes, I succeeded in taking a nap. I find that keeping my bed UN-made makes quick naps much more convenient! So, I actually fell asleep...within seconds. I woke to my obnoxious alarm, threw on the uni and powdered my nose. Gotta love a child that can sleep!

It is now Wednesday. Hump Day! I'm ready to be away from pre-teen children and move onto my summer adventures, which hopefully include good beach time, lots of running and more than 2 jobs.

Sunday, June 7, 2009

Playa hatin'...a harsh reality

This seems like an oddly serious post to be writing from the couch, with "My Blue Heaven" on in the background. I don't deny my love for Steve Martin and 80's films. I'm normally serving cocktails at this hour on a Sunday night but I came home a little early on account of a terrible tummy ache! Not sure if it's the flu that's going around or the cajun fries Pepe the cook gave me. Whether those babies were the cause or not...they were nonetheless a bad idea. The other option for this ache could be a case of the nerves, another meaning for "upset stomach" if you will. I'm a little upset over a few things.

There are times when things go on around you (which have nothing to do with you-and by "you" I mean me) and somehow they still really get to you, to the bottom of your heart. I'm not sure if there is rhyme or reason to it, but at times that these very things which have nothing to do with your life can get you so, so upset. In fear of sounding overly dramatic, I'll say it anyway, I have found that sometimes these disheartening situations can make one's view of humanity (overly optimistic view if you're me) somewhat...lessened.

This past Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday and Friday somehow included stories from women in my life (fantastic women I might add) that made my view on males slightly more negative this week. I want to throw out a disclaimer before I even get goin' here...I'm not at all trying to hate on the males.
I'm a firm believer in the catchy phrase "Don't playa hate...participate." I'm kidding, I'm not a firm believer in this at all actually. I try not to "hate" though...too often. Instead I chose (most of the time) to stay away from these particular "playas." In most cases, men intrigue me. It's as interesting to me as watching a foreigner...the way they speak, interact with each other...scratch themselves. So with that said, I'll quickly jump on my soap box long enough to share my recent frustrating finding.

As a Christian, I've experienced a lot of what I've described before as "Christian culture," including but not limited to Christian Culture's dating, and most of the time lack thereof. As a somewhat balanced person (always a work in progress of course) I've also experienced some of the "Secular" world as well. Note: If you are Christian, the "S" word should be soaked in as negative a tone as humanly possible. In the "Secular" world the "bad" guys are the ones that fit the following criteria:
1. Found in bars
2. Sleep with many women (this being the least aggressive way to describe this habit)
3. Dishonest
4. Selfish
5. Out for an ego boost...in any given situation, when and wherever possible and/or probable

In Christian Culture the "bad" guys...WAIT!...there are NO bad guys, right? WRONG.
These bad guys are under cover. They won't be in a place where you can expect bad guys. Vedy, vedy sneeeeaky. They'll be anywhere from writing an acoustic song the Worship Team will play on Sunday morning, to planning the next Game Night church event...which by the way is often used as a ploy to compulsively flirt and be the center of attention in a room of mostly females, without alcohol involvement of course. These guys fit criteria 3-5 above but differ from 1 and 2 by the following slight changes:
1. Found in churches with young, attractive women, not in bars
2. There generally will not be the sleeping around, however there will be unfollowed through expectations, similar to those a woman might have after sleeping with a "bar guy."

In an ideal world, us legit gals wouldn't have to deal with any of these "bad" guys at all, but on a more realistic note...At least the "Secular" bad guys are easy to spot! After only one situation of my own (one is all it took, I'm a fast learner!) and watching countless church-going girlfriends deal with these UCBG's (Under Cover Bad Guys) I have concluded that this is more infuriating than the bar hoppers' habits! These dudes are unbelievable...and getting away with this trickery! Their MO: Surrounding themselves with females as a means to boost their egos, seeming interested in certain ones (this is where I get territorial and upset on behalf of my friends) when they have no real interest in pursuing them at all. As mentioned before, these women I'm referring to are fabulous, they are not easily fooled, holding too low of standards or any other thing that would be a possible defense for the Church boys! In the end, these women are left with unmet expectations, lack of follow through and a feeling of foolishness for thinking (like any logical human would) that these fools actually wanted to date them. Is the emotional outcome really that different from that of a woman who has been played by one of the "S" word men? How does it go unsaid and un-established that this Christianized way of playin' is also foul play with a woman's gentle heart? I don't know that I see a huge difference here. How interesting that the Worship leading ones are still deemed as nice guys (pending they continue to join a ministry and attend church events) while they are actually commiting the same emotional crime as the more obvious players.

 At least be upfront. I may not respect your way of dealing with (or using) women but at least it's out there in the open for me to see! For the ones that hide behind the nice guy role...You're Rude. Figure out what it is you are doing and why you are doing it (My guess would include some sort of Daddy issue) and please for the sake of Christian women and the Christian man's reputation in society...stop being a D-bag!

Friday, June 5, 2009

Just say NO

Remember when you went through the DARE program in fifth grade? Do images of bright T-shirts, free donuts and awkward officers flood your mind?

One thing an individual can never forget about the DARE program is the phrase "Just Say NO!"

We probably should never forget what the acronym stands for either but I found myself asking a nearby colleague (that also grew up in the 90's) just seconds ago...oops. For those of you that are like me and forget pieces of information that don't affect your daily life or well, affect you right NOW...it stands for Drug Awareness and Resistance Education. Don't you feel a little smarter just having read the first quarter of this 101st blog?

I don't need to be reminded to say NO to drugs (usually). I could however use a reminder from time to time to say NO to other things...like people. Why is it so hard for some of us to say that tiny two-letter word? I was recently asked the following question: Would you rather have someone's acceptance or approval? My answer: Both.(Then I followed it with a "Duh")

After taking a moment to think the question through, I decided there is a difference between the two desired words. Turns out, I'd rather have acceptance, and if someone won't give it (their own limitations obviously being the issue!) I'd settle for their approval. I got to thinking about all of this yesterday when I did it...

I bit the bullet.
I grabbed the bull by the horns (and I don't mean leaving my shoes out in the living room)...
I said NO! In most cases I don't even say the word. I usually use what I call an "Actually..." statement. It often goes something like this: "Actually I have to..." or "Actually I was thinking..." Actually is safe, No is scary. One day at a time, I'm improving my Just Say No skills.

Thanks DARE.

100th Blog babay

Every other blog I follow does this whole 100TH BLOG BIRTHDAY thing...
so I thought I'd jump on the bandwagon ;)

Happy Birfday to me....how dee-lish does that cake look?

Monday, June 1, 2009

My Women

My aunt passed away last week. She was my mom's eldest sister, the eldest of all 6 kids actually. I got a call from my mom at 6:00 Friday morning. I definitely had not yet gotten up at that point. I had another two hours until work which meant another hour and a half (at least) until I had to roll outta bed. I ignored the first call...standard early morning move on my part. The second call meant business. My mom must have had something important to say, so I answered. She told me the news and I immediately began to cry. I wasn't close to Aunt Pat and could probably count the number of times I've seen her in the last 10 years on one hand. The tears were on behalf my mom's pain, I think. I knew that she was hurting and that most of all my precious grandma was hurting as well. This would be the second child that has gone before her.
I hung up the phone, with a plan of a call back from mom with more details awaiting. I stood up and was a little more conscience. By now I was sobbing. I wasn't sure why I was so upset but rolling up in a ball under a blanket on the couch was the only thing that made sense. I called my mom back within minutes and insisted that I couldn't let her and my g-ma go through the weekend alone, I was coming home. Of course, worrying "Mama T" told me what she always does when I'm on the phone and hysterical..."Don't get on the road!" She swears that driving while crying is worse than driving while drinking! No worries about DUI's, more like DUE's (Driving under the EMOTION!) Between the two of us we had come up with a small amount of logic and decided I'd come home a little later, after more sleep and less tears.
So I went home and spent the weekend with my two favorite women, all under Grandma's roof.
The phone rang off the hook and visitors were plenty. Seeing Grandma shed tears still breaks my heart just thinking about it. I think there was an unspoken agreement between my mom and I...I was there to be Grandma's distraction. Between going through her old boxes (a little productivity never hurt anyone), cleaning out closets and giving her a haircut (I've always loved playing beauty shop at Gma's house, especially when she lets me put her hair up into a Mohawk when it's shampooed), my mission was accomplished.
I realized something when I was home. Something that is probably a "Duh!" thought in my mind but really hit home...I am related to some pretty INCREDIBLE women. I have always seen my grandmother as one of the strongest women I know. Scratch that...she is THE strongest woman I know. She has taken care of even more than her own 6 children, 19 grandchildren and 27 great grandchildren. She has loved, mourned and survived even the most difficult circumstances, including cancer. She is still an energetic, feisty, life-loving 80-something (we stopped counting) year old lady! Grandma and I shared a room this weekend, including a bed which also included her chihuahua and my 5 year old cousin who didn't want to leave my side at the end of the night. Quite the slumber party. To be honest, I was initially hoping my weekend would include more of San Diego in it since I've been gone every weekend for what seems like the last year. But, nothing beats a slumber party on a Saturday night with Grandma.
While all of this was going on, my crafty distractions and what not, Mom was on the phone making arrangements, calling the many siblings, nieces, nephews etc. As I watched her taking care of all of this, in the midst of her own sorrow, I realized how utterly silly it is that I have gone through the past 24 years thinking I have to take care of her. I've always had this mindset, from early childhood until...well, now. Watching her take charge (of 5 strong-willed siblings and the 6 eclectic, for lack of a better word, children of my late aunt) made me respect the kind of woman my mother is even more than I already did.
One of my cousins came over Saturday night with two of her three, precious kids and Italian dinner in hand. This is what big Catholic families do...we feed each other, a lot and often. We four women and two little girls, spent the evening doing nothing more than taking care of one another. I don't know that anyone even caught what was going on there in that tiny apartment. On my walk with the two little ones (an adventure around Grandma's complex, they called it) I realized how incredibly surrounded I am by strong, nurturing women. We can all dish it for sure (verbally and in the kitchen!) but when push comes to shove, and people need lovin', there's a unity that is nothing less than miraculous.
Although this weekend didn't include my original plans (beach cruiser+beach+sleeping in) it was one that was inspiring. I am blessed beyond belief to have even been in a room watching what went on occur. I can only hope to be the kind of woman, mother and grandmother that my two gals are.