Today I chose joy.
I woke up in a rut of worry yesterday. Coincidentily I went to church and heard a sermon, more like sermonette-appropriate for our generation that can't focus on one thing for too long, on Joy vs. Happiness. Hmmm...
I knew that the financial woes going through my head and upsetting my heart that morning would soon be behind me once I got to church, usually a high school auditorium does not have this power. I heard the earlier service needed what churches call "Baby Holders." This was my tentative plan (my plans are tentative 99% of the time, ya never know!) and probably would've made me even more joyous on this day...maybe next time. I must say the sleep instead was pure glory.
Without giving the sermonette to those of you that are against this sorta thing, I'll simply hit some main points...Everyone recieved a peice of Trident gum on their way in. You were instructed to chew it (church kids are so obedient!) during the service. It was mentioned that Trident's slogan is "A little piece of Happy." I hadn't caught that until yesterday. Now that's my kinda gum. Who couldn't use a little piece of happy? It reminds me of that saying (or bumper sticker on some Ford Tauruses) "You want piece and quiet? Give me a piece and I'll be quiet." My high school best friend's brother, who was SO cool and cute, had that saying on a key chain. Looking back, probably not so cool. Anyway, by the end of the service the piece of gum no longer had any flavor. This was pointed out to all the no-longer-happy-chewers. What happened to my Happy? Today's lesson: Happiness is temporary.
Friday I was happy because school was out and I was heading to the staff party which included fun peeps, brews and games. A little later I wasn't happy because the few beers I had over a period of HOURS (a lot for me cause I'm getting old) gave me a tummy ache. Shortly after, I was happy because my roommate and I made Mac and Cheese for dinner. Happy was still there when I entered Pajama town, which was followed by a hand full of chocolate chips and Tivo. Happy left me the next morning because I began to think about what it meant for my job to be over...financial focus at this point, I'll think about missing the kids in about a week or so. I have been trying to line up summer jobs since Spring Break! Somehow, after countless interviews and resumes sent, I ended up with a 6 hour a week nanny gig and my same measly 2 days a week bartending...not gonna cut it, living this glorious lifestyle that is. I have the "feelers" out and am generally a proactive person when it comes to job hunting and overall survival. But, like any other human who is practically jobless, I have to do the inevitable waiting...and worrying.
Instead of worrying, today I chose joy. After my two hour nanny "shift" this morning I went on a long run. As I checked out the amazing cliffs of Ocean Beach beside me, with Justin Timberlake's "Sexy Back" in my ear buds, I realized something. I could lack Happy today because I only have added two hours of bill-paying- money to my day, or I could see it as the following: A car payment. You better believe it...6 hours a week equals $75, totaling $300 a month, which equals (drum roll please) a 2004 Honda Civic! (minus 10 bucks, but nonetheless a blessing). I could cry (already done that) or I could look around my adorable candle lit living room right now and have JOY, knowing that I will be okay, because I am ALWAYS okay. I am never left behind, I am never struggling that much more than the average student loan paying 20-something and I am always PROVIDED for. And for that, I have JOY.
I learned a song in Mexico, continued to practice it in Venezuela and even taught it to my lil kinders...
"Yooooooooooooo teeeeeeeeeeeeengo GOZO GOZO GOZO GOZO en mi corazon!
Donde?
En mi corazon!
Donde?
(louder) En mi corazon!!!
Yo tengo gozo gozo gozo gozo en mi corazon
Porque?
Porque Cristo me saaaaaaaaaaalvooooooooo....."
"Gozo" means JOY. That's pretty much all you need to know.
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