Wednesday, October 29, 2008

I haven't brushed my teeth yet

...and it's 3:48 pm on a Wednesday afternoon. Welcome to my days off. Ok I also sometimes do this on my days "on". Don't judge me, I work nights. I am still in pajamas, sort of. I decided walking around in underwear (normal pj attire)would be kinda weird being that I live on a busy street across from a UHaul/mechanic shop, kitty corner to a coffee house, and directly next to some goth neighbors who btw LOVE Halloween! This week is like Christmas for them. Their modow: PUMPKINS AND SKELETONS YEAR 'ROUND! This would all be fine except that I have almost an entire wall of windows in my living room...and in my kitchen. All that being said, I put some pants on to go with my rockin, pale green (it used to be regular green) tank I always wear to bed. It has a built in bra, key to a decent night's sleep. Former and current roommates, you know which one I refer to. Don't be jealous.
The days I'm about to describe to you sound like those of a "Stay-at-Home Mom"...well, I definitely don't have kids, or a husband, or even a boyfriend for that matter-tell your cute friends ;) Anyway, I realized this morning (after I woke up at 11am) that although I am not looking the most feminin today, ya know hair pulled back, glasses, lack of teeth brushed that sorta thing, I have been seriously in touch with my female (generally female, for PC's sake) skills this past week. Without all the hastle of a family to take care of (and clean up after) :), it's been kinda fun. In the past 5 hours, with chick flicks on in the background and a standard candle lit, I cleaned up after last night's dinner party (pumpkin themed of course, very fall festive), worked on my new knitting skill: the cable knit scarf-ah thank you, made a homemade bridal shower card, wrapped the present in a pearly, pink, hearty (meaning lots of hearts on it) bag with matching tissue paper, cut up and steamed some veggies and prepared a bag of food I'll be takin over to dinner/yoga night with Miss Green. I could do this for a fulltime job. No prob.

Since I'm not up for marriage and children quite yet, I'm pretty sure the perfect job for me would be to have no job at all. Every day would be like a "day off." I seem to keep busy with many detail-oriented tasks. Like yesterday, woke up at 10 (gotta get that 9 hours in) prepared for dinner, went to the bank, post office, eye place to pick up my contacts (they weren't ready, so I'll be heading over there again after this blog entry!), worked out at the gym, hit the store to pick up some seasonal lagers and pumpkin ice creme (both were a hit ;))and even had time to flip through the new J.CREW catalog that arrived in my mailbox earlier that morning! Days like yesterday and today make me like life. Some people hate "running errands" and doing tasks, well I like it...especially better than bartending! So maybe I will quit my day job (or night job in this case).

I think I'll go get dressed now.

Happy Hump Day!

Thursday, October 23, 2008

Therapy Thursday...becoming less crazy by the week!

"I'm just wondering what was going through your mind when you were doing that"
-Word. (contemplative)

"I'm thinking this might have to do with that extreme black and white thing we've talked about"
-Yes. (very matter of fact, intelligent head nod as well)

"It sounds like your issues are centered around men overall"
-Good assessment. (Insert sarcasm here)

"That would be breaking rule #3 now wouldn't it?" would.(Ahhh man! Come on!)

"Does it have to be one or the other?"
-Remember the extreme thing? Yes, yes it does. (This is why I'm paying you!)

"I'm wondering where you got this...all the thinking and insightfullness"
-I know RIGHT! (Relief. Finally someone gets me)

Therapy Thursday...brought to you by a saner Sara

Sunday, October 19, 2008

Man that's a lot of Asians!

My roommate Court, who I just decided reminds me of the character Lilo from Lilo and Stich (look it up, you'll totally agree) happens to be 1/2 Asian and 1/2 white...a wasian if you will.

This is a picture from her hiking adventures this weekend with a whole lot of asians. I saw the picture and immediately commented, "Man, that's a lot of Asians." Note my tact. I wondered, was it a strictly Asian activity? Asian Hikers Unite? She, while laughing with me, pointed out that if there were a whole bunch of white people in this picture I probably wouldn't say "Dang Court, you were with a lot of white people!" "Why are there so many white people!?" Think about it. We laughed. I had to share.

Friday, October 17, 2008

Please don't use personification when discussing my cervix!

My Disclaimer: Don't read this unless you are a female.

So I had to have a yearly exam (as all females should, shame on you if you don't!) and as most of you know that includes being felt up and a little bit invaded by your doctor. What the procedure really entails I'm sure you've figured out for yourself I won't go there.

A minor detail in this story is that I had to go to good 'ol "PP" (Planned Parenthood, we don't say the full name, it's embarrasing) because I currently don't have health insurance. Don't judge me. AnyHOO, no pun intended, the crowd was quite interesting in the waiting room...especially because this particular "PP" is located in "PB", a beachy area in San Diego which inhabits many peculiar folk...
A bestie came along for the entertainment of it all. As we observed the waiting room community we laughed about some good stuff: 1) the girl wearing "Apple Bottom Jeans" (really too bad she was missing the boots with da fur), 2) the few males in the room who were a little uncomfortable it seemed...most likely there to get a standard STD test and 3)the intellectual girl who has no idea that her coverage doesn't work at Planned Parenthood. Bestie whispers, "Clearly she doesn't know how insurance works." I slyly respond, "Ya gotta tell 'em you don't have any to get the free paps! She's obviously a newbee." Learn the system girlfriend!

My name is called and a 40 something cholita takes me into a small, secret room. We discuss my personal life and she offers me condoms and the morning after pill (Politically Correct name for it: Plan B). Ummmm, I'm gonna pass. Thanks though. Maybe next time. She weighs me (no details necessary here) and takes my blood preassure. During all this I can't help but be distracted, staring at the poster in front of me picturing and labeling the many parts of the male I didn't even know had names that long! Ok, done with this portion.

Now I get to wait for about an eternity for the nurse to come do my exam. For those of you that haven't done this in a while, let me remind you it is not an exam you can prepare for! Yi Yi Yi Yi! I'd appreciate them at least warming those instruments up a bit! And just tell me I'm gonna feel some pain ..not "pressure." I'm not sure if PP Nurse Kelly is an ammature at giving the pappies or what, but she's not all that precise about it. She has to readjust the instrument (and by instrument I mean the cold metal crank) a few times, leaving me a little concerned and really feeling the "pressure." I try to focus on the peaceful meadow magazine page on the ceiling above me but couldn't help but notice what was goin on under my paper skirt. Without meaning to, I shreak, "Ouch!" Now I have to make her aware of the fact that she is not doing a very good job by saying,"That's pinching me!" Nurse Kelly responds in a friendly manner, "Oh I'm sorry. I have to keep readjusting, looks like your cervix is hiding." Really? Of all the things you could say to reassure me you know what you're doing, you decide to personify my cervix. Please don't use personification when discussing my cervix.

This lovely appointment is over. I put my clothes back on, decline more condoms, leave without paying a dime (gotta love the government), and wave goodbye to Apple Bottom Jeans. Lovely PP encounter as always.

Sunday, October 12, 2008

Perhaps epiphany-riffic for ya

This is for all the Christian gals - a new (new to me at least) perspective that might be epiphany-riffic for ya. Over a satisfying Pinot and pumpkin scented candle, I had a pretty deep convo with my very wise and refreshing new roomie. Without downplaying the intelligence and open-mindedness of some Christian females, I'd like to propose a partly blanket statement.
Here we go...
For some reason, some Christian females have this idea that the boyfriend, husband, marriage aspect of our lives is more important to God than every other aspect, including but not limited to job, friends, family, finances, home, dog, city you chose to live in etc. Maybe its more important to you - fine, to each her own. But it seems there's this idea that no other piece of life matters as much to God as "giving you" the "gift" of a man. I am not implying that this part of life isn't important to God, I think it is...

*This is where some of you peace out and assume "she's just saying this because she's single!" That's fine, cover your ears, or eyes in this case, and don't listen to anything slightly different than what you've already decided is truth. I am going to continue though so read on if you'd like!

Here were the main points of our discussion: God isn't any more interested in blessing His children (daughters in this case) with a husband than He is with a great job or best friend...or even rent money! If sin is sin, then blessing is blessing! How many churches somehow reference marriage or being a wife/husband in almost every sermon? This is meant to be rhetorical...SO MANY! I love these churches and love my particular church and pastor, but it seems like marriage is almost held up like a GOD. For example, is every person in the congregation married? Another rhetorical question...obviously not. Hi, I'm in the congregation, and I'm not married! Point proven. So how is someone who's single (maybe even in a relationship but still unmarried) supposed to relate to that example? You'll rarely hear a reference to being a great friend or sibling when discussing Christ-like characteristics or things that are close to God's heart. Is being a great friend to someone less than being a good wife...excuse me, a "Proverbs 39 wife"?! I'm not saying the symbolism in marriage isn't amazing. Husband=Jesus, Wife=Church. Got it. Fabulous symbol! But, downplaying (by omitting) every other non-marriage related position in life seems a little strange and almost exclusive...leaving individuals feeling less because they can't even understand what their preacher is talking about and therefore must just not fully understand God...until they're married.

My concern is this: Holding up husbands as the grandest gift God will ever give us (and you know you've heard it in vows at ALL the christian weddings we've attended, "You are God's greatest gift to me," "You are what God had in store for me," "...what I've been preparing for my whole life")sends a few messages that I just can't feel right about calling true to God's heart. Once again, Christian culture has messed something up! If a husband is the greatest, most significant gift, why don't some people receive it? Have they not arrived spiritually yet, are they not (my personal fave) "right with God"? What do those things even mean? I'm not talking about myself here as a single, christian female (that sorta sounded like an ad in the personals). I'm talking about Christians who NEVER (God forbid!) get married. And I wonder too about the people that do "receive that gift" then get it taken away by death or divorce. Did they backslide to their old unholy ways or have too little faith and get their gift taken back?...Seems to throw a wrench in the theory don't ya think?

It actually seems pretty self-righteous of these people who hold this idea and have in fact received this "best of the best" gift to claim God has given them something (that is apparently based on works) that He's supposedly holdin' out on for others. Is He waiting to give them this BOMB gift until they're as spiritual as these already married folk? For some reason I just can't grasp God laying it all out in that manner. Again, I don't want to blanket it up or be totally aggressive, claiming all Christians think this way. I know it is only some, not all (see I'm getting better at not being so extreme).  The reason I have been so enlightened by the idea that this hidden (or sometimes very bluntly stated) theory is wrong is that disclaiming it somehow actually makes me feel even more special to God! He cares more about me (and YOU!) and EVERY aspect of our lives and ALL the decisions we make and not just about which dude we end up with.

The prize isn't the man. It's better than that- it's God Heaven! The man, just like the job, house, friends or dog is just another piece of who YOU are to God, His beloved, the BIG picture, you and Him. I think God just wants every part of our lives to encourage our personal relationship with Him, including but NOT limited to...your boo!

Friday, October 3, 2008

Sometimes it's just a yoga mat.

So we've all heard cliches like "Spring has sprung" and "Love is in the air..." Well this past Spring both of these were particularly true! As I was packin it through Europe, THREE of the many amazing women in my life fell in love and basically met...(another cliche is about to come at you) the man of their dreams. I know, some of you are about to go throw up your last meal right now but if I can be totally stoked about this (as a former cynic) you can too :)
This particular story (which clearly has something to do with a yoga mat) is about one of these girls. Her and I have spent some years comparing past bf's, sharing stories of ridiculous encounters and sometimes when feeling optimistic, hopes of someday meeting a real man that would actually be legitimate. This friend is unique, smart and beautiful. Because she loves the color green, we'll call her "Miss Green." This is mostly so that you don't have to read the words "my friend" a thousand times, and "Miss Green's" identity won't be exposed!
Miss Green is dating (and in my expert opinion will end up marrying) a fabulous man-that's right man, not boy- who has gorgeous blue eyes...named "Mr. Blue." Mr. Blue is pretty much a stud and knows how to treat Miss Green better than what she could've ever imagined! Miss Green's friends have granted the stamp of approval. One Wednesday afternoon the sweet and thoughtful Mr. Blue called up Miss Green and told her he had a present for her and could not wait to see her. Because of their schedules, and Miss Green's very important yoga commitment that evening with yours truly, they wouldn't see each other until the next day. As most of us tend to do when we have a fun surprise for someone we love, Mr. Blue build that baby up! Saying things like "you're gonna love it!" and "it could've been really useful today, I wish I could've given it to you today" gave Miss Green ammunition to let her mind wander...what could it be and why would it have been better to have today? She also thought to herself, "Dang, my bf is the bomb" (I added that part in but I'm sure it ran through her mind at some point).  The only thing she could think of that she was doing on that Wednesday was having a phone interview for a perspective job...on her ghetto and almost non-functioning phone. A light bulb went on...Mr. Blue, having great technological taste had an iphone and must have gotten Miss Green one of those bad boys too! As she began to pry, asking questions like, "where'd you get this surprise?" her idea had now become a reality. Mr. Blue answered, " roommate, he got a new one and had an extra one, I knew you could use it." Miss G's mind continued to fantasize for 24 hours and she had decided beyond a doubt that Mr. B's roomie, who also had an iphone had to have gotten a new one (since there's practically an upgraded version out every month)and now her boyfriend had asked for Roomie's old iphone to rescue his beloved from a 1990's cell phone. Thursday finally came and Mr. B arrived on Miss G's doorstep. He looked stylish as always and had a strangely large, white cylinder in arms.
"Hi!(excited) What is that? (perplexed)"
"Open it! It's your surprise!"
"For real?" Miss G thought. Maybe the iphone was wrapped up in this white thing that appeared to be a yoga mat.
"I know you love going to yoga every week! Don't you love it?"
As Miss G unrolled the yoga mat completely, she realized this was no standard yoga mat. It was a yoga mat promoting a seemingly asian, Soy Protein bar company Called SOYJOY! Now as she stood in her "downward dog" or kneeled in "child's play" she could enjoy little japanese children playing (or perhaps exercising, she's still not sure what they're doing) and a delicious looking protein bar with large letters that read SOYJOY! How thoughtful Mr. Blue was for thinking of her and her weekly hobby.
After laughing about this the next week at yoga, we realized that this was a very important lesson...
Even with the perfect man (like Mr. Blue), sometimes it's just a yoga mat...not an iphone, and that's okay. Besides who doesn't love little japanese kids and soy?!