Friday, June 26, 2015

Oh Come on Kaitlyn!

So up until this week I had respect for Kaitlyn.  She was straight forward, appropriately confrontational, confident and fun. I was even willing to look past the double bird elbow tats and constant reminder that she likes to rap. Well, I lost half of that well deserved respect the week she let Old-News-Nick  join the perspective husbands team- or as ABC calls them, The Cast.
This tool shows up aaaaaand....POOF! Typical stupid girl appears within minutes! It was almost magical.

Here's what's happening Kait...I'm writing to her directly because I'm sure no one else on the internet is doing that right now.
Some hipster you were once "talking to" (code for he used texting you as a cure for boredom) is now back on the scene after ya'll mysteriously "lost touch." The simple fact is this: you are getting a LOT of attention from a bunch of other dudes ON A NATIONAL TELEVISION SHOW THAT CHRIS HARRISON HOSTS and Nick has once again become curious.  Or maybe not even curious (curiosity can be a good thing) he's probably just well...bored...again! Did I mention his life is boring? I mean really, who has the time to, as they say, "put life on hold," not once but TWICE to go galavanting (in skinny jeans) around ABC? Are you seriously getting yourself involved in this douschebaggary? You have like ten other options!  All of which would like to get to know you better, not just sleep with you. Which brings me to my next point...

Really?  You slept with HIM?!  The other half of the respect is now no longer existent. Girl, don't you know how this works?  Sleeping with people is what the "Fantasy Suite" is "stay as a couple"...does this not sound familiar? It's literally the entire purpose of that episode. You can't start throwing it around on week seven. What's the matter with you?!  You're not Bachelor Ben and you just can't get away with this. I can't even WAIT to see how these other guys (that you constantly refer to as "such a great group of guys") respond when they get a load of this!

You blew it.  Big time.

Even if you end up with Touchy Magee in the end, this is not a recipe for success because guess what?  He just unlocked every ounce of mystery (and power- what?! Don't kid yourself) that you once had.  You're toast.

Until next time...I'd like to analyze each remaining contestant.

I just can't even help myself.

Tuesday, June 9, 2015

What a hip post

With millennials home for summer, I've become hyper aware of the various lists that hit the internet scene daily...I think I've heard "Buzz Feed" referencecd at least 3-5 times in the last two weeks. Let's face it, I'm not cool at all so knowing what's going on is probably a step in the right direction.  Or shall I say knowing what's "hip." (No one says "hip" without "ster" at the end of it anymore, what a shame...that everyone is a Hipster...not the sudden halt in using the word "hip," just so we're clear)

My little six month old princess is keeping me busy these days, babies sleep less as the months go on, did you know that?  I didn't. And so...writing has become quite a commodity. This is a real tragedy when my morning caffeine rush has blog ideas flying like mad in this head of mine.  If only I could get them all down, what a substantial difference I could make in the world!

So today, in honor of this generation's A.D.D kids and my lack of time, I give you a list.

A list of things that I can no longer live without, now that I'm....30?  A mom? Lame?

Costco. Damn I love Costco.
25 minute work out videos. Sure I'm supposed to do them 6 days of the week. Uh, we work toward 3.  Weekends are just not an option (no one works out while they BBQ, camp and shoot guns- because that's what we do on weekends #Idaho) and well, sometimes 25 more minutes of getting the house in ship shape is just more appealing during nap time. OCD.
K'Tan.  What's a K'Tan you ask?  Only the best baby soother/cuddler/traveling item ever made. Charlotte and I enjoy a little K'Tan time down by the river.  Don't worry we don't live in a van.
Aero Press. Look it up.  Then go to Bed Bath and Beyond and enjoy it. Note:  I really should get some advertisers on this blog.  Isn't that what legit bloggers do?  I mean, I could promote the hell out of anything related to baby stuff, coffee and dry shampoo.
Lululemon. I hate myself for writing this. I tend to mock whatever the latest ridiculously popular trend is (see hating on Hipsters opener above).  But I gotta say, after years of Lululemon workout gear being all the rage and lovingly referred to as "Lulu's" (barf), I have conformed and become that fricken mom that wears their designer workout pants every day.  I'm so sorry. But it is the way things have to be. I mean, $95 spandex is super reasonable.
Boise Milk. If I had a blog devoted to life as an Idahoan (there's only so much time in a  day) I would probably reference Boise Milk as much as 20 year olds reference Buzz Feed. Then I would get them to advertise on my blog. What? We discovered that Boise Milk is the best milk in the whole world. While we are not Organic-Only shoppers (just like time, there is a limit on how much money can be devoted to produce and dairy) we do dig organic milk in a major way. Best part: Boise Milk gets delivered to our doorstep Thursday mornings in glass jugs.  Yup.  That's livin'.
Gardening. I've never felt more accomplished than the moment I saw my spinach, romaine, squash, roses, petunias and California poppies bloom.  Didn't you deliver a child recently?  Yes I did.

Okay most cool lists of insignificant things are 10 items long.  Mine is 7.  Can't be too "in."  Plus Charlotte is getting up any minute and Mama needs a shower.

Happy Tuesday and may the silly things you can't live without give you joy today.