Life is weird.
If you took the time to read my story about having my sweet Charlotte Grace then you know that a small part of that journey was miscarrying three months prior to getting pregnant with her.
I never thought that would happen in my life. I mean, why would it?
Now it's happened twice.
A week really can make all the difference. Today I'm full of energy and feeling alive. A week ago...let's just say that was NOT the case.
Grieving always makes me stop and evaluate, and of course having had a loss like this before, makes me consider the differences between life then and now.
My husband said it best: Having had a healthy, perfect baby is like already having a million bucks. Sure, another million would be great but can you really truly mourn when you already have a million bucks running around your house!?
Other factors contribute to the ability to bounce back quicker this time around...I'm home full time with my little one so I don't have to put on a happy face for coworkers or throw on a pencil skirt and get out the door at a certain time. Not to mention, I believe life gets better and better (since we get better and better, hopefully) so I'm not totally surprised that a more recent loss could be handled better, for lack of a better word.
What I just can't fail to mention is that (drum roll please...) God is good. Some of you read that and say, "DUH" or maybe "Wow. What a weirdo."
Well, it needs to be said. I know so many that think with all the burdens, sadness and catastrophes in this crazy world, it's easier to believe God can't be in control or truly GOOD. You often hear it said, "Why would God let...(fill in the blank)" Well, I don't go there. I see God even in this situation, which for me, for our family, was a tragedy. I see His love in the new friends around us that left flowers and chocolate covered pretzels on our doorstep, on the reviving trip up to McCall, ID that had been *magically planned for months and happened to land on the weekend following my "miscarriage week." I see Him in my 18 month old that somehow knew playing independently and more than the usual hugs and kisses for her mommy needed to happen on those ugly days. Mostly, I see Him in my heart that has been healed rather quickly.
I feel *lucky that I don't really find it difficult to trust in the Lord and believe He is all that is good. For those that do, I have to assume that your faith (or future faith perhaps) just means that much more.
*Yea, I referenced magic and luck all while praising God. I've never claimed to be appropriate!
My blog is a lot of things- usually nonsense and I tend to like it that way. But today, maybe getting a little more serious and sharing a bit of my life shows you just a small piece of the JOY that can be lived when you open up your heart and mind to Someone bigger...even when things just SUCK.
Peace be with You.
That should counteract my use of non-Christian phrases from earlier...and seriously, peace be with you.