I am nothing less than intrigued by the male gender. I find their behaviors and thought processes to be compelling and interesting! I compare my male fascination to the average person watching a lava lamp. I can pretty much guarantee what will happen. It doesn't take that long to heat up. The blobs of goo will sort of bounce around, hitting one side, hitting the other, bouncing off the top, then the bottom, the color never changing. I know that at a certain point, the base of the lamp will burn if I touch it, but sometimes forget and do it anyway...or don't forget at all, but think that maybe this time it won't burn, but will just feel nice and warm! It's so very predictable but something about a lava lamp keeps you watching it, in hopes that something awesome will happen! What really happens...every time...the same blobs...bouncing around...in a way that we should all respect and admire of course. In other words the male gender is ENTERTAINING, for lack of a better word. I have heard a handful of quotable quotes from some very quotable males in the last week or so. Some are quotable for their wisdom, some for their insanity.
Over an Italian dinner in Little Italy, cousin Tom and I discussed the topic of marriage...
"I mean, you're 31 now. You want to get married right?" I clearly have an agenda. I want him to have kids that I can play with at family BBQ's okay! Tom's response in total seriousness, "Yea...Marriage seems like a good thing to do before you die."
I suppose that's one way of looking at it.
Over calamari and wine with my sister and brother in law...
"I mean, if he wants to see me badly enough, he can make it happen. I have a busy schedule but there's no reason we can't meet up for a quick glass of wine or something!" You guessed it, this is me talking.
My sister interrupts, "Or ice cream!" I quickly shut the idea down. "You know ice cream gives me diarrhea!..." Later I asked my Bro in law if he was getting uncomfortable with our conversation.
"Actually I was more uncomfortable when you mentioned diarrhea."
"Actually I was more uncomfortable when you mentioned diarrhea."
I learn more about men every day. Note: Do not discuss diarrhea anymore.
In an analysis with Mr. A about a reoccurring dude in my life:
"Well, I mean, I sort of have the control right? We only see each other when I call him. It's not like he calls me and I'm there. I call him and he's there!"
Mr. A: "No, that's not the way it works. The person in control is the one who has the least amount of emotions involved."
"So generally the dude."
"Yes."
Enlightened. "Oooooooooooooooh"
I had a light-hearted conversation over wine with a dear male friend of mine. In a very manly way, he candidly described some things he couldn't live without...
"Pizza. Chipotle. Salma Hayek. Peanut Butter...hmmm...I can't think of a fifth."
Being analytical at times, I pointed out the obvious..."Those are all food, except for Salma Hayek!"
His response: "But she sure is yummy."
Playing along, I throw out there, "Imagine if Salma walked in with a pizza in one hand, a Chipotle burrito in the other and a jar of peanut butter in her pocket!" At this point I'm thinkin' I'm super cool female friend who can relate to male nonsense.
"Or instead of a jar in her pocket, her body is covered in peanut butter!" He suggests enthusiastically.
Or that.
The worst of them all...but somehow still fascinating, simply because of how mortifying it is...
At an event with many friends, a mixed group, it becomes apparent to me (I'm starting to think I may be a little slow on the pick up) that the really "friendly brother of a friend" is hitting on me. After it is clear I am saying the big N-O...he resorts to the next option, "Okay, then let's go out to my car and you can show me your boobs." Feel free to burst out laughing, have a jaw drop or curse the male gender at this point in the blog. I find myself in an all too familiar place wanting to yell, "Is anyone else hearing this?!" This is one of those rare moments where you wish all of your girlfriends could run out from the corners of the room and be a part of it. Instead, I laughed and asked if that really worked for him in the past. Amazing no shame on his part was exposed...and nothing else was exposed either!
At an event with many friends, a mixed group, it becomes apparent to me (I'm starting to think I may be a little slow on the pick up) that the really "friendly brother of a friend" is hitting on me. After it is clear I am saying the big N-O...he resorts to the next option, "Okay, then let's go out to my car and you can show me your boobs." Feel free to burst out laughing, have a jaw drop or curse the male gender at this point in the blog. I find myself in an all too familiar place wanting to yell, "Is anyone else hearing this?!" This is one of those rare moments where you wish all of your girlfriends could run out from the corners of the room and be a part of it. Instead, I laughed and asked if that really worked for him in the past. Amazing no shame on his part was exposed...and nothing else was exposed either!
Oh Boys...I'm convinced you truly are from Mars.
Comments
I'm a moron for not doing this last week, or the week before.
Thanks for stopping by and leaving the lovely note introducing yourself. :)
And thanks for the brief glimpse into the realm of singledom again. I almost forgot it existed. Which is a good thing I think. ;)
There are really great men out there, who don't think of dating as a game and who are at least as interested in who you are as how your boobs look. So keep your eyes open. :)