Skip to main content

Top 10 ways to get a date...brought to you by the passive aggressive blonde


The following Top 10 doubles as a list of beautiful gifts (from some very beautiful people at my "Fam Bday Bash") AND items that will apparently get you a date...well not YOU, but ME. Feel free to take notes, or in this case hit "print", to file this valuable information in your personal records.


1. Movie Tickets...this is where the birth of the comment-taken-too-far took place.
2. Cookbook
3. Earrings
4. Clutch-with seahorses on it...so in love with it!
5. A single cousin (???)
6. A pork chop tied around my neck
7. Another cookbook
8. Polk-a-dot Apron
9. Every day apron (very practical, everyone should have one)
10. Silver Cross charm bracelet

Why these items you may ask yourself (or ask me)? I don't know. Apparently once you have chuckled even a little bit, out of embarrassment (or I dunno, possibly due to the fact that there is a quasi-set up situation going on AT the party), you have allowed free reign for the family "joke of the hour" to go on for entirely and inappropriately too long. And by "you" I mean "me." Once it turned to something along the lines of "Maybe cousin Tom could take you on a date!" I knew it was all over. One word came to mind... AWKWARD!...and okay, maybe another...FRICKEN WEIRD! I guess that's two. If there were a present opening contest...something focusing on who could do it the fastest?!...even up against 5-year olds on Christmas morning, I believe I could have wooped everyone. Just get me through the gifts, and to dessert...I don't think there's a "comment" about dates (or my supposed lack thereof) that can be somehow connected to a carrot cake!

The moral of the story...the minute you feel awkwardly or even minutely attacked...casually say something to the effect of "Ok. That's enough of that." Then perhaps lighten the mood with "Now let's focus on all of my PRESENTS instead of my LOVE life!" laugh laugh laugh, spotlight off rude date-comments situation...and scene!
Labels:

Comments

stephanier said…
so thankful for this post... and jealous of your seahorse clutch :)
September 4, 2009 at 5:07 PM
Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Here's why I shouldn't have a dog

This week I'm babysitting...a dog. Notice I didn't say dog sitting. The first time I watched her she was a puppy, an "untrained" puppy. That means she did her business all over my apartment, for an entire week. The positive reinforcement give-her-a-treat-when-rarely pooping-outside trick was not successful. Since I was teaching a two week Yoga and writing course at the time, with flexible hours, I figured the availability to come home at lunch, take her back to school with me etc would make for an easy week. False. As those of you who've followed my previous dating life have already concluded, I'm not too quick of a learner. And so, I committed to babysitting this dog again. I'm on Summer break, why wouldn't I have a dog with me...all day long? One that is no longer under 20 pounds especially. In the past 24 hours I've decided I should NEVER have a dog because of the following reasons: 1. The noise created by said dog chewing a bone makes me wa...
2 comments
Read more

Mind Blowing

Just go reheat that coffee for GOODNESS sake! Me reminding myself to try to enjoy life a little. This is a rough time. And I could start a post with those three sentences any Friday of the year, but particularly right now...this is a rough time. The struggle (sometimes TOTAL struggle, depending on the hour and minute) of staying home is of MINOR importance during a time like this, during any time really.  Let's get REAL, for most of us, life is good.  Really good. There are families suffering right now, and not just the elderly members of them. I won't go off on how frustrating it is to hear people lessen the severity of this because it's "just affecting older people." That's 1. Incorrect and 2. Unbelievably disrespectful *If you're lucky enough to have a Grandma or Grandpa still, or anyone in your life that's old enough to be considered "old" be thankful, then CALL them and check in. NOW. The current swing of Social Media o...
Post a Comment
Read more

Playa hatin'...a harsh reality

This seems like an oddly serious post to be writing from the couch, with "My Blue Heaven" on in the background. I don't deny my love for Steve Martin and 80's films. I'm normally serving cocktails at this hour on a Sunday night but I came home a little early on account of a terrible tummy ache! Not sure if it's the flu that's going around or the cajun fries Pepe the cook gave me. Whether those babies were the cause or not...they were nonetheless a bad idea. The other option for this ache could be a case of the nerves, another meaning for "upset stomach" if you will. I'm a little upset over a few things. There are times when things go on around you (which have nothing to do with you-and by "you" I mean me) and somehow they still really get to you, to the bottom of your heart. I'm not sure if there is rhyme or reason to it, but at times that these very things which have nothing to do with your life can get you so, so upse...
4 comments
Read more