I've recently been making efforts to get more involved in my church. For real, it's hard to even go to church for me, let alone go AND be involved in some other capacity like a mid-week gathering! However, for the past two weeks I have been attending a "Community Group" with like-aged people. It turns out there are actually some pretty nice human beings that are a part of this community. Not to mention, my "Ace Hardware" theory... if you want to buy tools, you go to Ace Hardware. In other words, go places where you'll find what you're looking for ie. you want a Christian man...go where there are a whole bunch of them (said the skeptic) otherwise you might just continue finding real tools! So am I going there with a bad motive you ask? No. I am going there with good motives, hoping for the possibility of some great perks ;)I'll try to wrap up my thoughts in a few short sentences, or maybe a semi-long paragraph?
I have mentioned before that I used to teach at a private christian school that was close-minded and hyper judgmental? I am grateful for the experience as it made me realize how much I love kindergarteners (occasional crying, snotty noses and all) and because of the few women I did connect with. Now with the run-on sentence of positivity out of the way...I found that all of the nitty gritty things that bothered me over the course of a year and a half working at said school all came down to one frustrating social phenomenon...the Christian culture. After the 5 year-old pupils graduated my class that June, I just could not get any further from that chapter of life. In fact two weeks following, I had to go to 5 other countries as a means of cleansing myself. My European detox allowed me to really dive deep into what I feel my faith should be about and how what had actually led me to that current spiritual place (swanky clubs and all) was frustration with certain "cultures" of Christianity, not at all God Himself.
I returned home having left behind a few pounds (affording one meal a day does a body good) and all efforts to be a part of Christian culture. Instead, I brought home a new focus, seeing the heart of my God. Without listing many, many examples of my previous frustrations (and making every reader loathe a faith that can be so good) I will just say this: Christian culture (meaning the people) has gotten it all wrong. We should not strive to fit the culture's box, generally as a means to make ourselves feel good anyway, but should shift our endeavor to thinking less and less about what others are doing and more and more about how GOOD our God is.
With that brief explanation out of the way (so much more where that came from)...Last night at "Community Group" I regretfully followed one of the discussion groups heading outside. There was a very nice view and I adored the patio furniture (off topic!) anyway, the conversation could not have been any drier and cliche, you know I hate that. More unfortunate than this was that the topics for the night had the potential to blow our minds! Usually, meaning last week, the only other time I've attended, I sit in the group where two pals lead. Due to lack of space on the upstairs couch and a wandering eye (Wondering what the deck looked like outside) I ended up in Dullville. For the sake of disclaiming: I do not always need to be entertained. I do like being entertained but not so much that I resort to leaving church time upset if that doesn't come to fruition. Disclaimer finished.
Every person that answered a question (I stopped after about 3, my quota was hit at that point) answered in a way that either 1. was from the perspective of "the bigger person" or 2. was seriously mentioned so that the opposite sex around the fire pit might swoon. I'll give you an example...The icebreaker (always a church hit) was the question," When were you last outside your comfort zone?" I thought it might be inappropriate to reply, "now" and since I had to go second, terrible choice of seating, I simply said I couldn't think of anything. Little do they know not much is outside of this comfort zone! Could the bachelorette party I attended last weekend that was BYOWig count? That would be lying and I try not to lie at church. I wasn't uncomfortable at all, who doesn't love wearing a wig?! So, being the "shy" girl that skipped the question, I listened to all of the other responses. Most couldn't think of an "outside the comfort zone" recent story either so they resorted to the "funnest" recent thing they'd done, Funnest isn't a word by the way. If I knew I had that as a default question I coulda come up with something really good! Oh well. One of the males said that holding his new baby niece was the funnest thing he'd ever done...
REALLY?!
That's the most fun thing you've EVER done? I'm sorry, but I seriously doubt that...and I am a big fan of the babies! Then I realized why on earth this dude would say that. Christian culture! Everyone wants to get married. When "prayer requests" come around most include "Being ready for the next Chapter of life," "Having to be patient for God's timing..." Guess what, that's all code for "I WISH I HAD A HUSBAND/WIFE ALREADY AND I DON'T!" Oh Christian culture. Isn't there anything else we could pray for?
At the end of the discussion, we all waited outside so that the inside groups still remaining wouldn't be bothered. I began to debrief with a friend next to me. We recently met but connected immediately, upon realizing we're both super cool and should be friends. We went on and on to each other about how most of us don't think enough, ponder God's love and character as a way to better love people, but instead go along with what every other Christian is doing and run from deeper connections (all very radical ideas indeed). A young man lying on a lounge chair near us popped his head up and asked our names with a smirk. Curious about the smirk of course, I asked if he heard our entire conversation. He replied, "Yea. You guys think too much." I was reminded of a man I met in Prague who said girls think everything means something. To which I replied, "What does that mean?" Lounge chair guy said that everything has already been thought of and "written" (biblical phrase taken out of context is a must) and that there's nothing to think about. Super cool friend and I had so many things to say but could really only come up with confused looks and raised eyebrows. After about 10 excruciating minutes of conversation, his argument was that all Christians are nice, that's what being a Christian is and that the only decisions you have to make are like "Am I going to eat a burrito or a taco?" Mind you, quotes indicate that this is word for word! After a few times of bringing up tacos I told him he LOVED tacos, lightening the unintentional awkwardness.
We made a run for it as soon as possible and eventually were upstairs (where the group I should have joined was held) and awaited the much needed restroom. I had a Diet Coke right before, bad move. In a strong effort to avoid another convo about not thinking I did my best to look busy talking to others...problem being that I don't KNOW many others and therefore this effort was a no-go! Mr. Lounge Chair came up with a smooth statement that would of course win me over. "I know how you can be nice, you can come buy me a taco." Of course this did NOT win me over. Everyone, (everyone who isn't exhausted by 9pm/Christian conversations involving the word "awesome" over and over again) goes to Taco Tuesday after the group ends. So apparently my clear disagreement with a life void of thinking was not enough to prove we are incompatible. We should go to Taco Tuesday and what...disagree (and prove an unfortunate old theory of mine) somore? I think not. Harsh? Maybe. The reality of the situation? Most definitely.
So I ask you....Burrito or Taco?
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