Never (ever) would I post something about parenting that was titled "How to..." or "The best way..." I know better than to make such claims, and I know that I really don't know anything at all. Instead, today I'll share what seems to me, to be working (not even Haters can hate on that).
Relatively recently I became a "Mommo" to two teenagers. I really should say I grew into being their Mommo, since it surely didn't happen over night (it was more like a week. JK) Odd to "become" a parent to teens, especially as a spry sub-30 year old. It's a long story and one that not even this blonde could make short. What I will say is that my two girls were made to end up mine and over time God has taught me how to properly be theirs. Always a work in progress...
With the killer insights of my patient and thoughtful husband, and just a dash of female instinct, some house rules have been established, that seem to be working for us in raising our teenies.
In no particular order...
When your teenage daughter brings around a boyfriend- make sure to mess his name up just slightly. Go ahead and throw a "Hey Mick" out there when Mike enters your living room. Let him sweat a little, it's good for them both to stay humble about their "Love's" place in your home. It will eventfully make sense to Mick (why you call him by a different name, that is) and he'll respect you for it. If your Mick can't handle a little humor and humility...well I don't know if Mick should be hangin' around.
Play it off. Tonight I started writing this post on our iPad, before breaking for dinner. Youngest dot picked it up to embark on some college stuff afterward and low and behold my first paragraph was exposed. She quickly handed it to me to save, or log off, or something...with a smirk on her little face. That's what smart little teens do- they smirk. I could make it a big deal or even say nothing at all while logging out and her curiosity would absolutely lead her to the "web history" later in the evening. Instead I casually say, "Oh I don't care if you read my blog." And...scene. She has no interest in my blog at all. Sinchy right?
Remember that awesome thing your mom used to do? Do that! One of my very favorite things I did with my mom throughout high school was going dress shopping before dances. She made it a huge deal. We would bypass West Covina Plaza (Respect to those of you that can respect that shout out) and drive out to Brea Mall, now that's big time. We certainly weren't above malls off the 10 West, but Mom knew heading into a different county meant finding a unique dress and having a special day together. She loved the process of finding the dress, the shoes, the clutch and the jewelry just as much as I did. So OF COURSE some 10 (maybe 15) years later my girls get dance-shopping-and-lunch-marathon-day too! Duh. And I completely get why it was something my mom looked forward to and saved up for- Because it's awesome, that's why! *Our tradition differs slightly as I've implemented a rule that they have to try something on that I chose...and it's usually something ridiculous and hilarious. I like it.
Gently make fun of other kids with them. What? Yea we do that. And our kids like it. It's probably not nice but we keep it harmless... Like calling those Indian brothers that our girls run track with "The Twindians." Nobody is getting hurt by that right? And our kids know that somebody is paying attention. (I told you, I only claim what works for us)
Just listen to their stories. All teenage girls want to do is TALK and from my very hands-on research, that just about covers most of their emotional needs on a daily basis. Do I want to know how every single one of their friends got asked to Prom? Not necessarily. But I know now! Better than not knowing, I'm sure. Side note: that whole scene has gotten way out of control. We try to remind our girls of this and help them keep some perspective (for crying out-loud). Being asked to a dance does not need to be on the same level as being proposed to. I dunno...maybe have something in life you're looking forward to, instead of trying to make a production. of. everything! That's my rant to all teenagers around the world. Okay maybe just American teenagers. I guess us adults fall into this trap sometimes too...I won't share examples, that would be offensive.
I have just a couple more (okay, a lot more but too many on the list and I start to sound like a know-it-all). I'll leave one more, short and sweet:
Affirm affirm affirm. I need it. You need it. Teenagers need it. Even if yours are acting like little jerks, find something to affirm. "Hey there...nice job hanging up your towel." If you're like me your natural response to a towel hanging is OF COURSE you are expected to and should hang up your towel. How else should one live?! Then you remember what seems to work...affirm.
Love to you and all the teens you know. And Bless your HEART if you're raising some right now.
XO
Comments