Tuesday, January 26, 2016

Gotta have a Bach post...

 With a toddler keeping me busy, it seems that some of the only times I get to sit down and write are during Bachelor season…how odd. What I'd like to do is simply post a link to an SNL sketch called "Bland Man." It's pretty well done. Instead I'll break it down.

Obviously Ben is tall, dark and handsome…some might say. I do have to admit though, that bland may be an adequate forth word to describe him. Has the guy said one funny thing yet? And feeding Becca a maraschino cherry does not count as funny.  One would only be privy to that outtake if they watched "The Bachelor Live," airing right after the show. Why do I watch it every week? It pretty much sucks every time but I just can't turn the TV off immediately after that rose ceremony. Perhaps it's because I think Chris Harrison is actually the most intelligent "character" of them all. There is no doubt this guy is strategic enough to carry out a full blown cash grab. Good for you Chris. You milk that bachelor cow for all it's worth. You deserve it after 20 seasons of this nonsense.

 Before I get into my completely illegitimate opinions on this season, I have to share that nothing is more depressing than realizing you are older, much older, then any contestant on the show. When did this happen? I can remember watching it my senior year of high school and thinking "that's what I want when I grow up!" I didn't really think that, but I definitely believed the girls were SO much older than I was. Now 23 is the standard aged contestant, along with her twin, and I am almost a decade older than *the pair of them. Life is weird.
*Downton Abbey is the only other show I watch, so picking up British sayings seems completely appropriate.

 Without sounding cynical (we left those days behind) I can't help but point out that the quality of  female contestants has really gone downhill over the years .  I mean is "unemployed" really a profession? I'm pretty sure the 2016 criteria is a. long enough hair to  accomplish "Beach-waves"  and b. a hard enough body to NOT have a muffin top EVER, even when sitting *Indian-style in a bikini.  No judgment to the girls that meet the expectations and make it on. I would be in a bikini the entire time too if things were...different... I'd probably hang out in a bikini over here in the middle of an Idaho winter if I looked like some of those minors, I mean girls.
*"Chris-cross applesauce" may be a better way to describe "Indian style" for those of you that think referencing an ethnicity is racist.

Caila is my favorite in case you are wondering. She's just really cute.  And aside from her romper this week (booty shown and all) she dresses pretty classy too.

Ruthless Criticism #2, brought to you by me:
Have the dates gotten way more lame? I know helicopter rides are no joke and we can all appreciate them from time to time, but going to an abandoned Neon Museum when you're in Vegas, and could do just about anything with that abc budget? I'm confused. There's gotta be more money for this thing now than there ever has been. They have so much media surrounding this show...Bachelor reunions, twitter stuff that I know nothing about, "Bachelor in Paradise" for all the over-the-top insane gals/super scummy guys. It was once almost appealing to think about going on the show, with all the awesome things they were up to. Now, we just may be having more fun watching (and judging) from our couches.

 Number 3: I won't call it a criticism because I'm not sure if it's negative or positive… come to think of it, it's positive...There used to be just one, two, maybe three drunk and crazy chicks- they're serving white wine all night what do you expect? Now just about all of them are drunk (and a little crazy, or at least a lot dumb) all.the.time.  The entertainment value is well worth whatever they spend on booze. Last night during dinner I realized the show had  already been on for 30 minutes. My husband lovingly reminded me "There are skanks getting drunk and you're missing it!" Luckily I can get him to watch bits and pieces with me at the beginning of the season. Past week five or six when the "real love" starts- he's out. But pretty girls acting like complete idiots, what can I say, I get  humored. Thanks Boo.

I usually end my posts about "The Bachelor" with something like "I for one can't wait to see who he picks." Now I will just say, I don't care all that much, but will keep watching anyway.

Cheers and ¡Viva Mexico!

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