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Here's why I shouldn't have a dog

This week I'm babysitting...a dog. Notice I didn't say dog sitting.

The first time I watched her she was a puppy, an "untrained" puppy. That means she did her business all over my apartment, for an entire week. The positive reinforcement give-her-a-treat-when-rarely pooping-outside trick was not successful. Since I was teaching a two week Yoga and writing course at the time, with flexible hours, I figured the availability to come home at lunch, take her back to school with me etc would make for an easy week. False.
As those of you who've followed my previous dating life have already concluded, I'm not too quick of a learner. And so, I committed to babysitting this dog again. I'm on Summer break, why wouldn't I have a dog with me...all day long? One that is no longer under 20 pounds especially.


In the past 24 hours I've decided I should NEVER have a dog because of the following reasons:
1. The noise created by said dog chewing a bone makes me wanna punch an infant.
2. I refuse to spend any of my hard earned income on dog merch. "Looks like you chewed through your leash, I guess you'll be staying inside today now won't you?"
3. Dog smells. All of them. Unacceptable.
4. "Really? I'm picking up your poop?"
5. Whimpering doesn't make me question what the pouch's current need is. It makes me yell at her to be quiet.
6. I feel it's unreasonable that I have to trick a DOG into getting into her crate when I leave. Playing "Go after the beef jerky I just threw in there" for five minutes is not my idea of time well spent.
7. I don't think it's sweet to cuddle with you in my bed. I'll barely do that with another human, let alone a possibly flea infested animal.
8. More sounds: lapping of water, whipping around the frayed rope toy...nope not okay with those either.
9. Window down, you sticking your head out doesn't make me smile, it makes me anxious. If you jump out and get run over by an F150, guess who your mom is mad at?
10. Life is just easier without a dog. I've said it before and I'll say it again, I just wanna live a simple life.

Comments

Karen Carter said…
That is why our dog is not a dog. He is seriously perfect! and I think you need to watch him to find out. Chad had him for a week and Brody went to bars and drank beer and still got up for a run in the morning. He doesn't smell or whine. But you are too kind to do this for your friends. Hope your summer is fab...looks like a new beau is on the scene and he is pretty darn cute! Kinda "Roberto" from bachelorette ! Hugs Karen ~
June 29, 2010 at 9:09 PM
Rowdy said…
i dont like dogs, or pets at all. no thanks.
June 29, 2010 at 9:38 PM
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