So I've been recently working on being ME all the time...one of my many "Self-Improvement in the mid twenties-isms" I'm really good at being ME most of the time, but would LOVE to be one of those extremely confident and secure women who is just herself in every given situation...all instead of most of the time!
There are times when I definitely hold back and it's generally because of the company I'm in at that given moment. The funny thing is it's an epic battle internally to hold back because my natural inclination is to give my all, all the time, with relationships especially (By the way, I HATE when people say exspecially, there's no X! Don't mind my tangent)
Anyway, I have talked to many wise people, females in particular, who have helped me realize that my normal state and being is very vulnerable and it's a balancing act to be who I naturally am and keep my heart safe. I generally do and say things in a way that make who I am very much exposed to pretty much whoever is listening. The problem is: not everyone I come in contact with is safe for exposure...if ya catch my drift. There are people that have and will in the future take advantage of the vulnerability, use tid bits, or massive bits for that matter, of information against you, or even pull back themselves because your raw self is TOO MUCH!
I'm trying to be myself all the time, which is as aforementioned vulnerable, but I'm supposed to be smart in who I'm vulnerable with...How do I do that???
I don't want to be one of those people, especially one of those christian people, who only associates with "like minded" people...or for lack of a better term, people that are pretty much clones of themselves. I want to be open to knowing people of all different walks and being known by them as well. I want to show who I really am and be ME all the time, without hesitation. I'm thinking it's an issue for more than just myself, but am wondering how many people are actually aware of this balancing act...of their actions and hesitations around certain individuals, or maybe even people in general.
So I guess it's all "hands-on learning" just like teaching kids. We're supposed to learn by doing and being in situations that test all of this stuff. Taking each conversation and each relationship as it comes, being genuinely ME (or YOU) and being just so slightly on guard that we're aware when red flags are put up and people are displaying signs, or clues as I like to call them, that they aren't safe territory or maybe even capable of REAL PEOPLE and REAL-NESS.
I think this is the whole point. Figuring out how to love people...without tremendously hurting ourselves in the process.
Chew on that.............................................and on a lighter note, Happy Hump Day!
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