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Vulnera-mole

I recently got some health insurance. It's amazing how much peace of mind one can have knowing that in case some dirty kids get ya sick...you can actually get some affordable medicine! Since it's the off season in my industry, in other words school is out for summer, I don't worry about this quite as much as I worry about things like that weird lookin' mole on my left thigh.

I scheduled a full-on, check 'er all out, physical last week. The insurance I have has a list of providers much like any other. I scrolled down and found the first doctor that met my three requirements:
1) Within 20 minutes of my house, gas these days is rough. 2) A female...for annual exam situations and such 3) A last name which I can pronounce. Not that I don't enjoy and appreciate other cultures and even a thick accent from time to time (especially on a tall, dark and handsome male) but, in conversations about my irregularly frequent heart burn for example, I'd like to have all communication barriers avoided...this is also part of the reason for requirement #2.

So Dr. Lund made the cut. She's even kind of a hippie, gotta love it. After many a question, she left the room and had me strip on down. I vulnerably asked, "Everything off?" for the sake of being thorough of course. "Yup, everything." So I sat on the tissue table cloth and put the comfortable and stylish, cut-out paper sheets over myself. I expressed some concern about a few moles (along with the heart burn) so she of course was going to take a look...at everything. Again, requirement #2 is a must, know your non-negotiables! I thought she was finished when she caught the two "suspicious" moles (I love how they use this word for such an inanimate object. Really? My mole is suspicious? Is it going to rob me or something!?) Then she casually said, "Okay now stand up." With paper sheets off I stood in the center of the small room, now in front of my tissue table cloth, spread eagle and completely in the buff! She checked samore for suspiciousness and then let me sit back down.

I wanted so badly to blurt out...

Dr. Lund, I feel so vulneraMOLE!!!

Comments

stephanier said…
hahahha so witty and quick you are!

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