I don't even know where to begin. What I know for certain, is that there will be a lot MORE where this came from...
Part IIt all began with a dream, nightmare really. Perhaps translating to anxiety in my dating life (what dating life?) Anyway, I dreamt the following:
I had joined Eharmony. I was on a date and the datee for some reason had his entire family there. They were all very excited to meet me and his mother and aunt specifically were very smitten with me (ah thank you.) They had read some of my writing and fallen in love ;) Anyway, I wasn't exactly feelin it with the datee, what else is new. As I attempted to flee, he aggressively questioned me. "We're going out again right? I mean, you're not going to 'close' me are you?" You see, on The Eharm, you don't run a typical phase-out by ignoring phone calls, or any clear cut things like that, instead you have the option to "close" your "communication" with the prospect...hopefully up until that point you've been wise, keeping where you live out of the "communication." Safety first, always. Back to the dream: I found a way to leave, basically mumbling and nervously laughing in an effort to avoid the obvious answer to his question. That part of the dream wasn't too unrealistic I guess. Yea, I'm awkward. So, creepy Eharm guy sent two of his friends to follow me once I'd left! Before you know it I'm in a bar in OB, also not too far from reality, and these two creepers find a way to steal my identity! They threatened to steal my sweet Grandma Lou's as well! Honestly, who has Eharmony Identity Theft dreams???? Apparently I do.
Part II
There's always that friend or coworker who is out to prove something "works," leaving one thinking there is no way she can NOT do what they did...she just has to buy that vegetable chopper! She cannot live another day without buying those practical work shoes!Or in this case...She absolutely MUST join Eharmony!
That's right, I joined Eharmony.
I'm not exactly on the prowl at the moment. I say "prowl" on purpose. I know it is a bit of a harsh word, this is the intent. When someone (a woman specifically) is on the prowl, they mean business, no messin' around. If they're "on the prowl" for men, they're not just in the market for one...they're hunting one down! Like animals. There's a reason a certain niche of females are called cougars! As I said, this does not describe my current state of mind, although I will admit to having been there a time or two...okay probably just one.
Right now, when I picture the next season of life (literally a season. I picture summer which is upon us in 3-4 months) I don't see a man in my life, instead I see a woman! Okay not really. You just thought this blog was taking quite the turn. False. I'm not that exciting. I think you know what I mean though, I see myself SINGLE. I'm riding "Baby Blue" the beach cruiser (remember only crazy people name inanimate objects) down the streets of OB, hanging out in coffee shops, hitting the beach, maybe breakin a few hearts (I'm totally kidding about the breakin' hearts part, it just seemed to flow with the rest of the list, I got carried away). All that to say I just don't assume that I'll be in a relationship, not because I'm trying to avoid an unmet expectation (oh the fun of self guarding) but because I'm really just fine without one.
Then a few things (stacked on top of each other like the cheese squares Gus-Gus tries to score in Cinderella) occurred, or rather had been occurring. First, I got sick. Ya know what happens when you get sick? (Aside from being offered random drugs, seeing dogs hanging out at the Dr's office etc)...you start to feel vulnerable! Yes, vulnerable. You wish there was SOMEONE out there that was obligated to bring you Gatorade. I think Gatorade is best for the flu, not the sinus infection I had, but I just really like Gatorade. That's neither here nor there. The point is you want someone to take care of you! Your friends offer but you know what they're thinking..."I hope she doesn't give whatever she has to ME. I don't have any more sick days. I'll throw out the 'can I bring you anything?' but hopefully she'll say NO!" Not that I don't have fabulous friends, because I do. But the thing is, we all think that way from time to time (most of the time in some cases). But when you're in a relationship, not to be confused with a relationshit, you HAVE TO do that stuff! You're obligated to! At least you are in my book. So, the thought began to trickle into my head...I suppose a relationship might be nice.
Then there's the fact that I've been watching "The Bachelor." This isn't going where you think it might. I don't watch it and wish I was one of those "lucky" girls that's "on the wings of love" with Jake the Pilot. I watch and think to myself....EEK! What is all the hype with corny, cliche men? For crying out loud, I just want someone to buy me a fruit punch flavored sports drink! Simultaneously, as "The Bach" is an 8-week long program, I find myself out and about in my beloved town Ocean Beach. Prospects here: Stoners....or hobos. Extremes rush over me like last week's fever and all of the sudden I am certain that my only options in the realm of men are LAME or LAMER! (Are you tired yet?)
If I could just find a way to sift through all the losers (harsh I know), phony christians (sinful but unavoidably true), and cliche girly men (I'm sort of a biatch) and get what I'm looking for out there...
You mean like on a site that does all of that for you AND matches you on 29 dimensions of compatibility?
Wait a minute.
And thus, we await to see if I do in fact find Harmony.
If nothing else, I will continue with my plans of riding Baby Blue solo and have a hell of a lot more material for all of you to read ;) I already see the following posts in my future...
"You know I'm 'closing' you when..."
"If I can't read your name, you're too foreign"
"If your top 5 things you can't live without include Spell Check, I WILL assume you're dumb"
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