I had a conversation tonight with my incredibly intelligent and insightful roommate. It started out as most of our discussions do, talking about boys. Yes, I'm 24 years old, pay bills like nobody's biz and hold down two jobs...and still have conversations about "boys." Take your judging elsewhere :)
Anyway, we were talking about a "third party" gal who has the expectations of Charles Dickens. This gal went over 22 years without dating, simply because no one met her very, very straight and narrow expectations. When the story began with "3rd party" declining dates due to the prospect's lack of asking her father for permission first, I shared my opinion by pretending I was violently throwing up on the couch. Seriously? Live a little girlfriend!
Then the convo continued and we decided that it's only logical that if you widen your expectations the quantity (not necessarily quality) of options expands exponentially. We're a house of mathematicians. My internal epiphany which became external within seconds: If I know exactly what I want and throw out every "option" the minute he shows he's lacking a certain quality deemed important, I've limited the opportunity to 1) See if that quality shines through at a later time (like past the first conversation or date!) and 2) To get to know someone who may God forbid become a friend, if not a "prospect." Why does it have to be so intense?! And does it not seem obvious to anyone else that those qualities are not apparent in black and white but many, many gray ways. The way one person shows they are "caring" (perfect "list" quality example I think) can be completely different from the next. The problem I seem to run into is being such a Grace Face! I give grace (I know, I know, it's supposed to be one of those great Christian woman qualities blah blah) to every shmuck I meet. My middle name is Benefit of the doubt. Which of course makes my full name Sara Benefit of the doubt Elisabeth Morgan, nice ring to it don't you think? I pretty much NEVER EVER, even with males, females, friends, foes, whathaveyou, throw people out of the running. The saying "Fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me"...more like "...Fool me twice and I'll probably attempt to make you a better person anyway."
I am SOOOOOOOOOOO not endorsing being the naive girl who doesn't trust her intuition, and continues to date losers after countless "I'm a bad guy" moves (like the extreme?) But I have to wonder if some of the expectations on our lists, figurative or written out like you're supposed to during your 4 years at a Christian University, are not always so out there and visible, but maybe begin to show after taking the time to get to know someone and getting beyond his (or her) exterior.
So there again lies a case for balancing. Give grace, keep your middle name "Benefit of the Doubt" and still keep the expectations high and...existent!
Note: To my male readers, I hope the terms "option" and "prospect" don't offend you. I do not mean to make you feel like a cheap sweater or pair of shoes I'm looking to purchase, but more to keep it easily understood...solely for clarification purposes, not to objectify you ;)
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