For some reason the word FEAR has come up in an oddly frequent way the last two days. Some of the conversations that the "F-word" has been a part of include (but are NOT limited to): a deep convo with a friend about what can keep us from diving (or flailing I suppose) into life...Fear, an episode of Fear Factor (I work with junior highers who like the idea of people eating tape worms covered in mud, naturally this show comes up), and overcoming the F-word's ability to keep me from surfing in surf-sational San Diego! And there was a lot more where that eFfen came from!
I got to thinking today...When I taught Kindergarten (the cute little banchies who thought I was queen of the universe, I loved my job), I would have them line up for recess and they were not allowed to leave the room to head for the playground unless I was in front of them, leading the way. They were okay with it since I'd lead them while singing songs like "I like to move it, move it..." and dancing like a freakazoid. However, the mere 6 stairs and two tether ball courts kept me from letting them run ahead without supervision. In fact those that did were excused to play last...harsh. There was a huge fear that if I let them run ahead there would be consequences. 1) My insane Micro-Manager (I mean Principal) would probably implode and 2) More importantly, something would happen to one of the babes and I would be responsible.
Today and every other day my junior high kids are excused to break (not recess, get it right) and although it's not even my responsibility to make sure I'm outside to watch them, I feel a sudden fear that something will happen to one of them and there wouldn't be a teacher there to do whatever it is a teacher could do in a given situation. Today specifically I wasn't going to go out to break, I would stay inside to pay the overdue Cox bill over the phone (gotta make sure that TIVO is up and runnin) and other fun adult things like that. I had to talk myself out of running ahead of the kiddos (like I do daily) in order to not only avoid being a total weirdo, but also to let go...of the FEAR!
I could never be a Fear Factor contestant, that's for certain. It is such an art...not eating bugs, but letting go of things that we put ourselves in bondage to in the name of FEAR. F that!
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